Saturday, May 5, 2012

Chapter 15: Hearts a Mess


 A/N: Thanks for all the love from the last chapter. The song is over on the playlist. I'm loving Gotye right now and it fit perfectly for these two. Please review.



Pick apart
The pieces of your heart
And let me peer inside
Let me in
Where only your thoughts have been
Let me occupy your mind
As you do mine
Your heart's a mess
You won't admit to it
It makes no sense
But I'm desperate to connect
You can't live like this

Hearts a Mess – Gotye


EPOV

I took a deep breath and rang the bell. Mom had informed me she was taking care of both Sasha and Dante for a few hours so they could play together. I had also been told Bella hadn’t been feeling well and that she was taking some time off from work.

“Sir?” William asked quizzically as he opened the door.

“I’m here to see Bella. I brought soup.” I thought it was fucking stupid I had to wait to be invited into my own goddamn house. Then I remembered how Bella owned it now, and she understandably hated my fucking guts.

“Come in, Sir.”

 He led me into the kitchen, which was as spotless as usual. Hilda was putting away dishes while humming a song. Upon seeing us, she became so startled she almost dropped a mug. I apologized profusely and explained why I’d driven over to the house.

After that, Hilda pulled a bowl out of the cupboard and sat it in front of me. “She’s sleeping,” she said, “but she does need to eat. I was going to knock on the door and see if she wanted lunch. She’s been having tummy problems.”

.“Why didn’t anybody fucking tell me? I’m still her husband.”

William cleared his throat. “Miss Bella has asked us to be discreet. If she wanted you to know about her ailments, she would have told you, Sir.” The British had a natural politeness about them—they could call you a cunt to your face and make it sound like a fucking compliment.

“Well, I still should know these things,” I muttered petulantly while pouring a glass of juice.

“I think it would be best if I served Miss Bella. She might not appreciate you being in the room.”

I frowned at Hilda. “She’s my wife. I will take the tray to her. You are both dismissed.”

I left them to get their shit together and stalked to the master bedroom. I knocked but she didn’t answer, so I just went inside. Bella was curled up in a little ball under a light comforter leaving one of her shapely legs exposed. I groaned inwardly as I adjusted my stubborn dick--he should have known by now that we weren’t getting any paradise pussy for a long goddamn time.

I set the tray on table next to the couch and walked to the bed. I almost hated to wake her up because she looked so fucking peaceful. However, I remembered Hilda said that she hadn’t eaten all day and it was almost one in the afternoon.

“Babydoll,” I whispered, touching her cheek gently. “Wake up.”

She moaned and kicked the blanket off. She was only wearing a pair of tiny baby blue boy shorts and a matching camisole. I felt like I was on fire. My dick throbbed painfully in my slacks as I began to perspire profusely.

“Bella,” I croaked, desperate to get her attention before I embarrassed myself.

She opened her beautiful eyes and smiled at me. “Edward. My Edward. I need you.”

I closed my eyes and turned around. “You don’t know how much I want to crawl into bed with you and worship your body with my tongue until your pussy is swollen and pink, just the way I like it.”

I heard a gasp behind me, and then the sound of the bathroom door closing. She came out a few minutes later in a pair of baggy pants and a Nike hoodie. My body was still very aroused, so I tried not to stare too much. She was already skittish around me and giving in to what my body wanted was not going to help our relationship in the long run.

“Why do you keep showing up unannounced? All you have to do is call,” she said, her voice still raspy from sleep—it was fucking sexy.

I pointed to the steaming hot bowl. “I brought soup. Mom said you haven’t been feeling well. I asked Carlisle, but he said it was confidential. What’s wrong?”

She sat down at the table. “It’s…it’s nothing. My body is just reacting to the stress of the last few months. I’ll be okay soon.”

“Liar.”

 “I’d like you to leave now, Edward. I just can’t deal with you today.”

“Then when? I keep trying to talk to you, and you treat me like a fucking leper. We have things we need to work out. I’m not asking you for much.”

She sniffled and pulled out a Kleenex. “I saw you on the news with Gina the other night. I guess…it’s serious. Just know that I still won’t allow that bitch around Dante.”

“Fucking hell! I’m not doing anything with Gina. She works for me and that’s it!” I yelled angrily.

Bella flinched. “You expect me to believe that? You cheated with her, and she’s still on your payroll. It’s like a constant slap in the face to know you let that skank have something which should have only been mine! I hate seeing her ugly face when I turn on the television. Admit it, you have no respect for me at all.”

I got down on my knees in front of her. “Firing Gina would be easy. I’m out to ruin her fucking life. Plus she serves as a means to an end. I’m not the only goddamn idiot she fucked with, and there is one in particular I need for something. It’s Mafia business, nothing personal. Trust me.”

“Wow. You’re just always full of shit. Let’s talk about trust, Edward. Do you trust me alone with Giles? What if I was riding his cock while we worked on the book tour? How would you feel if I got down on my knees and sucked him off? Would you still trust us to work together if you found out we had been fucking? Go to hell,” she snarled, baring her little teeth.

I stood up and walked across the carpet. “Are you thinking about fucking Giles?”

“It’s none of your business if I am, because we are separated and getting a divorce.”

“You think I’d let you be with another motherfucker! I can’t stand the thought of him anywhere near what’s mine. Do you want to get that asshole murdered?” I was beyond caring if anyone heard us.

She glared at me. “You don’t own me! If you ever threaten Giles again, I will go to Marcus. He has always been strictly professional, and he’s my friend. You have some nerve coming in here and laying down Edward’s law. I no longer live in your world. You can go fuck yourself, or better yet go fuck the cheap bitches you love so much.”

I pulled on my hair so hard a small clump came out. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! This is not what I intended when I came over. I’m tired of fighting with you all the goddamn time. If you want to hit me, take a swing. You want to go down to the office and kick Gina’s ass? I’ll lend you some brass knuckles. Just tell me what the fuck I’m supposed to do to get you to open up.”

We were interrupted by a knock at the door. “Everything okay in here?” Felix asked, looking pointedly at me.

I held up my hands. “Hey, she’s fine.”

Felix continued to glare. “I think it would be best if you leave her alone.”

Realizing defeat, I sighed. “I was just leaving.”

Bella mumbled, “Fuck you,” as I passed.

My spirit was very weak, but I leaned down and kissed the top of her head. “I love you, babydoll. We’ll talk more another time.”

~~LAMTAF~~

The day didn’t get any better after I left Bella’s house. On a whim, I stopped by HADES to get some figures from Jasper and talk. When I got to his office, I saw him sitting at a desk while a small brunette woman massaged his shoulders. They looked too fucking cozy to just be acquaintances.

“Hello, Jasper. Are you going to introduce me to your friend?”

His eyes narrowed. “This,” he said, looking at the woman, “is Maria Perez. She’s an old friend of mine from Texas.”

Upon closer inspection, the brunette appeared to be of Hispanic decent. She held out her small hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Cullen. I’ve seen the painting of you upstairs, but it didn’t do you justice.”

In my life, I had met a lot of bitches. Most of them flirted or ignored me completely. Maria’s eyes were curious but underneath was a savageness I’d rarely seen in a female. She was sizing me up like a man would have done when meeting a potential enemy. I was instantly on alert.

“Thank you,” I said, gently returning the handshake.

Jasper opened his drawer and took out a large binder. We kept most of our stuff on electronic files, but I still preferred paper for the club figures. There was a long history of Dons getting too lazy to take care of their business and later finding out that they had been robbed blind.

“Is Alice here?” I asked, watching Jasper turn red.

“I haven’t seen her in a few days. You have her phone number.”

I was fucking pissed. “So you can sit here with your friend, but you can’t go see my baby sister? She’s your wife!”

He asked Maria to leave, but the bitch didn’t move an inch. “I’ve always had your back, Jasper,” she said smugly.

“Then where the hell were you when he married my sister?”

Jasper got in my face then, and it took every bit of my willpower not to kick his ass. “Well, if we’re talking about sisters, how is mine doing? You know, the one you married, had a kid with, and cheated on? You have no right to lecture me.”

I held up my hand to show him the Volturi signet ring. “You took the Omertà, and that means I am your superior. I own your ass! It’s only out of respect for us being family that I don’t fucking break your knee caps. Get that bitch out of my club and go call Alice before you end up a lonely, pathetic motherfucker like me.”

“You don’t speak to him like that!” the little spitfire shouted, before coming at me with a fucking switchblade. I had to give her credit for having balls.

Jasper cursed and grabbed her around the waist. “Are you crazy, Maria? This man can easily have you tortured and killed.”

Hijo de la chingada,” she hissed at me, still struggling to break free of Jasper.

I looked at down at my Rolex. “Jasper, you have exactly ten minutes to get this bitch out of my club. If I hear that she has been on the premises again, I will personally deal with her. Demetri will be down to make sure you comply. Oh, and don’t forget to call Alice. Have a nice fucking day.”

After picking up the binder, I drove back to the Penthouse. As if fighting with Bella didn’t leave me pissed enough, I’d had to deal with Jasper’s shit. Most Mafioso had mistresses, but I’d always wanted a good marriage for my sister.

You couldn’t even be good to your own wife, fuckward, I thought bitterly.

When I got inside, I put on a pair of athletic shorts and went to into the new and improved gym. Emmett and I had been having fun picking out new shit like boxing equipment. Dr. Crowley believed physical activity was an important part of therapy for bipolar people, so I was getting my ass in shape.

Soon, I was covered in sweat and panting. I’d been punching the speed bag for almost an hour as Tool blared from the speakers. My arms were sore, but it felt good to be in control of my body. I no longer had the need to harm myself or have others beat my ass.

The last song had just come to an end when my new guard walked into the room. “Sir,” he said, asking permission to come forward. “Your wife and son are here. They just arrived.”

I couldn’t keep the fucking smile off my face. “Tell them I’ll be there in a minute.”

I ran to my bedroom, took a quick shower, and changed into a casual outfit. My hair had grown and I didn’t trust anyone but Bella to cut it, so it was pretty damn wild. After brushing it into some semblance of order and spraying on the cologne I knew she liked, I walked to the living room.

Bella had DC in her lap and was talking softly to him. I took a moment to stare at their beauty. It was ashamed I hadn’t really known what a treasure I'd had until I'd lost it. They were more precious than anything I owned or could ever own, and I’d treated them both like fucking garbage.

“To what do I owe this pleasure?” I asked, walking into the room.

D.C. watched me curiously as I approached. Smiling, I sat down on the couch next to them, close enough to be in the conversation but far enough that I wasn’t smothering anyone. I just wanted to bask in their company for as long as they would let me.

Bella looked up at me, her eyes asking forgiveness. “I’m sorry about earlier. I was just…”

I shook my head. “No, it was me. I shouldn’t have pressed.”

DC snuggled closer to Bella. “Ma ma.” The sound of his voice almost brought me to tears.

“I wish he would say da da,” I sighed.

My babydoll shared an Eskimo kiss with our son before answering. “He will if you spend time with him. You haven’t really been a constant in his life. I’m hoping that will change now that you’re healing.”

I nodded enthusiastically. “I promise I’m not going anywhere.”

“You hear that, Dante? Daddy is going to spend more time with you. How would you like that?”

My son began screaming and flailing. I reached for him but he clung to Bella. She apologized and calmed him down. It wasn’t a surprise because he didn’t fucking know me. The time we’d spent together in supervised visits was too short to form a real bond.

I leaned over and kissed the back of his soft head. “It’s okay. I haven’t been the best father to you, but things are going to change. I love you, Dante.”

He turned his teary face toward me and spoke some gibberish. It seemed like he was yelling at me for being a shithead. His little cheeks turned red from the effort, reminding me even more of his mother. I rubbed his tiny hand and spoke gently until he  became quiet.

“Hey, why don’t I order us some dinner? Suggestions?”

My babydoll blushed shyly. “Okay. How about Chinese? I’ve been craving walnut prawns all day. Dante likes wonton soup.”

I took out my phone and placed the order. Bella giggled when she heard me speaking Mandarin. I knew the language well, but it still sounded funny if you weren’t a native speaker. One day, I hoped to teach DC all the languages I’d learned over the years.

“It’ll be here in thirty minutes or less.”

Bella nodded and laid our son between us. He drank apple juice from a bottle and kicked his feet. I told her she was doing a great job with him. She said it was her duty as a mother and loving him so much made it easy.

The food arrived earlier than expected. I brought some plates, bowls, and utensils and put them on the coffee table. Bella was attempting to feed DC and eat, so I took him off her hands. He pushed the spoon away a few times before finally opening his little mouth.

“I’m glad you got sweet and sour chicken. I didn’t even know how much I was craving it until now.” My angel looked so fucking cute with her chopsticks.

I took a huge bite of eggroll and chewed slowly while studying her. “I’m glad you got your appetite back. I’m sorry for being the cause of you losing it in the first place.”

She shrugged “I should take better care of myself. I have babies to look after and…”

“Babies?” The last time I checked DC was only one person."

She made a noise and swallowed thickly. “Um, sorry I misspoke.” Something in her eyes wasn’t right, but I let it go for the sake of peace.

A little after nine, Jane came to pick up my family. Bella wanted to go back to work the next day, and our son needed to get some sleep. I begged her to stay, but she told me it wasn’t wise. I knew she was worried we’d make love if she spent the night, and honestly, she may have been right.

“Goodnight,” I whispered softly, kissing them both on the cheek in the parking garage.

“We should do this again sometimes. Goodnight, Edward.”

My heart plummeted as I watched them drive away. I felt darkness seeping into my soul, so I downed a Lithium pill and took out a book to read. I’d noticed Giles had given Bella a Tennyson book, so I was reacquainting myself with his writing. Soon, I drifted to sleep.

~~LAMTAF~~

Gina walked slowly into my office and sat down in the chair across from me. Not only did I make her wear the ugliest fucking black uniform, but I also cut her down to only twenty hours a week. She still had an expensive coke habit; and though she tried desperately to hide it, I could see the chemicals in her eyes.

“You’re fucking high. I can’t have that shit around me. It’s disrespectful.”

Her hands shook as she reached for something in her purse. “H-here. My dealer is empty, and Demetri has gone clean. I need a fix.”

I looked at the money and scoffed. “You must be the dumbest bitch in the world. I admit my guilt in what happened, but your stupid ass went after my wife. You got off on taunting her. The only reason I let you work here is because of our deal. Ask me for shit again, and I’ll have one of the girls from the club fuck you up.”

“Sorry.”

“You should be. Give me your fucking report so you can get out of my sight.”

She sighed and put the bills back in her wallet. “He told me about the confession, but I need a little more time to find out where he hid the tape.”

Judge Wagner was a married Federal judge I’d introduced to Gina at a fundraiser party a few weeks ago. True to form, they’d quickly started fucking. Wagner was a conservative asshole that preached morals but lived a Hedonist lifestyle. He was also completely corrupt.

Caius had gotten a tip that Wagner worked for one of the old families from Sicily. The youngest son had come to America to learn the family business; and unbeknownst to his father, he’d smuggled in five young women who were to be sold as sex slaves. One of them died from a beating, and the son was brought up on charges. The father wired Wagner a huge sum of money to make sure the trial ended in their favor.

The reason we were interested was because the Sicilian family had been making waves. They wanted things to go back to the old way when only full blooded Italians ruled. A half Greek, half Italian mutt being a Don in a powerful Family didn’t set well with their factions. Wagner was the key in us bringing their Family down once and for all before they became a bigger threat.

“Try harder. I want this shit done before Marcus comes back from Naples. You’re dismissed.”

She stood up and walked to the door. “I wasn’t always a bad person. I just love power and…”

“I don’t have any pity to give you. We both made our choices in life, and we both must suffer the consequences. Just know my Bella is better in every way than you. All you’ll ever be is an easy fuck. In fact, you disgust me.” I must have been really fucked in the head to ever have wanted to touch the bitch.

After she exited, I got yet another unexpected visitor. “Hey, you busy?” Jasper asked, walking into the office.

I gestured for him to take a seat. “What’s up?” I asked, crossing my arms defensively.

“I put Maria on a plane to Miami.”

“Good.”

“She just came to see if she could still control me. I was able to resist this time.”

“Did you…?” I let the question hang in the air because I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer.

He sat forward and looked me straight in the eye. “No! I couldn’t do that to Alice. Maria tried to kiss me, and that snapped me out of the funk I’ve been in lately. Alice is everything to me, and I’ve been so blind. I wasn’t even willing to talk over the wanting to have children issue before dismissing her thoughts and feelings.”

“I’m proud of you, Jasper. I only wish I had of been man enough to overcome my demons. Work hard and my sister will forgive you. She’s missed your country ass.”

He laughed. “I don’t think I have an accent, but Bella and Charlie used to make fun of my drawl, too.”

“I’m sorry for hurting Bella again. I know you’ve had to pick up the pieces, and I appreciate it.” In the past, it had been hard for me to apologize to people, but lately I was becoming a motherfucking professional.

“You hurt her badly. I haven’t seen my baby sis that low since Charlie’s death. I’m not going to say I hope you get back together, because I’m not sure this is something Bella could or should forgive. She’s lost so many people in her life and been through so much.”

I sighed. “I know, man. Believe me, I can never do enough to make it up to her. I’m trying really hard to prove I can be a good father, though, and her friend.”

“That’s all you can do.”

Later, we joined Emmett and Carlisle for lunch. They all agreed the best way for me to get Bella to open up a little was through action. Telling her I’d changed wasn’t going to do the trick; I had to show her my progress.

“I’m not going to sugarcoat it, I’m mad at all of you for making my daughters cry,” Carlisle chastised as he cut into a steak.

“Hey, what did I do?” Emmett asked, his voice almost childlike.

“Rosie thinks you’re upset because she’s having a hard time getting pregnant. She says you shut her out.”

“That’s not true! I’m…I’m just frustrated with myself because I can’t give her something she really wants,” Emmett admitted sadly.

Carlisle’s wise eyes softened. “Tell her that. None of us will ever come close to understanding women, but I do know communicating helps a great deal.”

“But how can you communicate if they won’t let you?” I asked out of the blue.

Dad put his fork down. “Sometimes, you have to start with small topics and work up to bigger things. Most women really just want to know they can trust you with their thoughts and feelings.”

“What about me? How can I get Alice back?”

Carlisle eyes flared as he sized up Jasper. “You’ll have to get down on your hands and knees. Last week she sat in the study with me and cried her eyes out over you. Go all out, because she deserves nothing but the best.”

“As for you,” Dad said, looking at me, “Bella is very, very fragile. I don’t think you know the damage you’ve done to my girl. She lost weight and some of her hair fell out. Esme and I are worried she’ll never fully recover.”

I pushed my plate away, because I no longer had an appetite. “I am truly sorry and ashamed for what I’ve done to Bella.  I want to put light in her eyes to replace all the darkness. I want to give her what she needs to thrive. Most of all, I want her to know my love for her will never die.”

He nodded. “Good. That’s a start. It takes hard work to sustain a marriage, and sometimes it just doesn’t work. You two have a son together, so it’s imperative that you at least form a friendship. I think Bella is willing, but she needs time.”

“How did you get to be so smart?” Emmet asked teasingly.

Dad smiled. “I was blessed enough to have two great loves in life. Women are difficult, but I think we’d all agree they’re worth the effort.”

We toasted one another. My babydoll was definitely worth the effort and so much more.

~~LAMTAF~~

Over the last few days, I’d begged Bella to let me keep DC for a weekend. It bothered me that my son wasn’t comfortable in my presence. Dr. Uley and Dr. Crowley had both agreed I was ready to take on more responsibility, so I’d decided to step up my game.

“Are you sure you can do this?” Bella asked for the millionth time while stirring applesauce.

“Yes. Go have a fun at the spa with the ladies. Emmett helped me baby proof everything, and Carlisle will be on speed dial in case of emergency. I can take care of our son, too.”

She frowned. “But, he can be difficult sometimes. He climbs and gets into all kinds of things. You have to keep a close eye on him. My little lamb gets cranky around bedtime. You have to read a story…”

I wrapped my arms around her waist. It was too intimate, but she didn’t pull away. “He will be fine,” I whispered, letting my lips touch the shell of her ear. “I am not a complete idiot. Plus, you’ve been kind enough to make several lists.”

Her beautiful giggle and soft ass made my cock throb, so I stepped away before we started fucking on the counter top. Carlisle was right about taking things slow. Bella needed to know I was in this for more than just sex and the good times.

My babydoll turned around slowly. “I’m trusting you with my most special possession. Please, please, don’t make me regret it. Call me if there are any problems, and I’ll come straight home.”

Half an hour later, Bella left and DC had a meltdown. He wouldn’t sit still or let me comfort him. I hated to see him cry and scream for his mother, but he had to learn he could depend on me, too.

“Let’s go get something to eat,” I mumbled, picking his squirming body up out of the play pen.

I put him in the high chair and gave him a bottle of juice while I warmed some spaghetti. Mom and Bella wanted DC to have good shit, so they made his baby food or brought organic. I had to smile when I took out the little Spongebob bowl and matching spoon Alice had helped me pick out for my son.

“Ma ma?” Dante asked yet again as I set his food in front of him.

“Da da. Mommy will be back soon, but until then I’m here.”

He pushed the bowl onto the floor and began wailing. I really wanted to call Bella, but I knew if I failed this test I might never get another chance. I’d hunted down gruesome motherfuckers and faced death, so how hard could it be to take care of an eleven-month-old baby?

Two hours later, I had my answer. He never stopped crying, climbing, and running. I felt worse than I had after a rigorous workout, and there were no signs he would be falling asleep anytime soon. To make matters worse, he refused to fucking eat.

“Please, son,” I begged, trying to pry his little lips open.

“No.” He had learned that word almost right after ma ma.

I sighed heavily and let a tear slip from my eye. “I know I messed up, and you probably hate my fucking guts. Please, just let me make it up to you.”

He smacked my nose with his fat little hand and said, “Ma ma.”

Admitting defeat, I pulled out my Iphone and dialed Bella. She answered on the first ring. I told her about the problems I was having, and she gave me some tips which would help. I was really thankful she didn’t drive home and beat my sorry ass for being such a loser.

“You’re doing great, Edward. I’m happy you care about our baby.”

After our phone call ended, I decided to try Bella’s first method. “Hey, DC, do you want to take a bath with daddy?”

He bounced excitedly and clapped his hands. When I saw that, I felt like the man who had just won the fucking Mega Millions. I wanted to do a victory lap and shout hallelujah, but I managed to restrain myself—my son didn’t like to be kept waiting.

A little later, Bella called to check up on us. She gave me instructions of how to put his inflatable yellow duck baby bath into the Jacuzzi with me, so I wouldn’t drop him. My little man was slippery as fuck and definitely had a problem staying still.

I put him down and stripped out of my own clothes. He instantly began playing with his bath toys and splashing water all over the damn place. My babydoll had brought a large bag of shit over with her, so I dug into it until I found the Mustela baby body stuff she used on him.

“Your mommy spoils you, doesn’t she?”

He batted those long lashes at me and grinned. I gently lifted him out of the ducky and held his little body to my chest. He laid his head on my shoulder for a minute. It was such a peaceful moment, feeling his tiny heart beat next to mine.

“I love you, Dante Cullen,” I whispered while watching his inquisitive green eyes. He really did look just like me as a baby.

Soon, his little hand roamed to the Bella tattoo over my heart. “Ma ma,” he said, looking up at me.

I laughed heartily. “You’re going to be a fucking genius! Please don’t tell your mother I said a bad word, okay?”

After the bath, I put him on a fresh diaper and rubbed lotion all over his skin. He liked to grab at my fingers. I took note of the fact he was sturdier—there was muscle under the baby fat. He’d also been learning colors and shapes.

“Shit,” I muttered as I pulled out the pajama bag. There were some truly hideous outfits inside.

“Do you wear this?” I asked holding up a bright purple gown with a matching cap.

DC's little middle finger popped up and he said something in baby gibberish that I took to mean, “Hell no.”

He had a way of making me smile. “I promise not to tell mommy about you flipping the bird if you don’t do it too often. Trust me, she can be scary when provoked.”

The clothes got worse and worse as we went along. Apparently, Bella liked buying DC the corniest baby gear she could find at the store. I cringed when I saw a onesie with a huge sunflower around the neckline. She also had a thing for dressing him up in various sailor sets. Eventually, I found a blue Winnie the Pooh tee my son seemed to like and decided to let him wear it to bed.

“No wonder you were mad at me. Don’t worry, I’m going to get you some cool shit tomorrow. Mommy is good at a lot of things, but we men have to develop our own style,” I told him.

Pretty soon, he began crying again. I checked his diaper and since it was clean; I knew that he was probably hungry. I warmed him up some creamed chicken and rice, which he almost inhaled. Then he was ready for his precious bottle of Bella’s breast milk.

I cradled him in my arms and watched ESPN sports highlights while he began to doze. It was almost one in the morning, but I’d survived my first night alone with my bambino. Before going to bed, I sent my babydoll a quick text to let her know all was well on the home front.

~~LAMTAF~~

“I like his sunglasses,” Jane said, peeking in at DC who was in the backseat of the Phantom fast asleep.

“He picked them out himself. Hey, if you can just carry him, I’ll bring in all the bags.”

We’d had a fun day shopping at the mall and walking the pier. Jasper and Emmett along with Colin and Brady had joined us for dinner at a family restaurant. It had been a little jarring for me to be around all those screaming children and exhausted parents. DC had a blast in some bouncy thing, though, and his cousins encouraged his fun.

When I got upstairs, I took off DC's clothes and put him in his baby bed.  Jane went back to the Phantom to get the rest of the shit. I’d done some major damage on my portion of the account, but I'd liked spending money on my son.  

“I can’t believe you sent Felix to the spa to watch Bella instead of me. What is he going to do all weekend? I’m still a girl you know.” One reason I liked Jane was because she had a great sense of humor.

“It’s a little revenge on my part. But hey, the fucker can get something nice for Chelsea while he’s there.”

“You’re a cruel man, Edward Cullen,” she said dryly, just barely dodging the pillow I threw at her head.

D.C. and I had a quiet night. He only woke up once asking for Bella, and when I put the mp3 of her singing “You Are My Sunshine”, he went right back to sleep. My angel had a beautiful voice, and I continued to play the song late into the night.

Please don’t take my sunshine away.”

Sunday afternoon, Bella returned. The way she fell to her knees when DC ran to her, you would have thought they had been separated for years. She picked him up and kissed all over his face while he squealed delightfully.

“He looks so happy,” she said, finally noticing me.

I bent down and gave her a hug. “I missed you.”

When I pulled away, I noticed something strange in her eyes which worried me. She confirmed it with the dreaded, “We need to talk.”

After getting DC settled, we sat down next to each other on the sofa. Bella’s hands were trembling, and she looked like she was on the verge of tears. I took a deep breath. It was times like these the fucking monster wanted to lash out, but I could control him.

“I thought about a lot of things while I was away. We…we won’t ever fit the way we were before. It’s pointless to keep this charade of a marriage. You lied to me and betrayed my trust. I am so proud of you for stepping up and working on yourself, but I have to put some distance between us. Nothing has to change with you and Dante, though.”

I hadn’t felt this much pain since the day they had told me she and my son were dead. “What are you saying, babydoll?”

She sighed. “I want the divorce sooner rather than later. My life is about to change…”

“Is this about that motherfucker Giles! Are you asking me to speed up the divorce so you can date him?”

“Keep your voice down,” she chided, looking over at DC to make sure that he hadn’t heard me.

“I’m not ready to date anyone. I mean, it would be impossible… I just don’t see the point in dragging this out. I would like to go back to my maiden name.”

The fucking hits just kept coming. “Fine,” I mumbled, keeping my eyes down so she wouldn’t see the tears. “If that’s what you want.”

The next few days were rough. I fucking chewed out everyone at work and had several intense therapy sessions. Dr. Crowley said that for once, I had to put Bella’s feelings before my own. Dr. Uley gave me some bullshit about how if I loved her, I would let her go; and if it was meant to be, she would return.

~~LAMTAF~~

Thursday afternoon, Bella invited me over to the house. I was barely inside before I got bombarded by several pounds of wet baby. I picked him up and kissed his red cheeks. He was dressed in one of the sets I’d brought him during our weekend together.

“You’re a very handsome baby.”

He laughed at the compliment.

My whole body went up in flames when I saw Bella. She was wearing a champagne-colored dress which hugged her curves very nicely. I vaguely noticed Hilda pour me a glass of Merlot. I was allowed a little wine but nothing too strong due to my meds.

While I eye-fucked Bella, my sister took Dante to be changed. I had so little control, and my wife looked like carnal sin. I would have sworn she bought clothes just to make my cock hard; but she could have worn a fucking paper sack and I’d have still found her sexy as hell.

“Bella…”

“There’s nothing left to say…” she stated coldly, her voice like liquid steel.

“I have a lot to say! This shit has gone on long enough!” I stood up and threw the divorce papers on the coffee table. I figured that if she saw them and what they really meant, she’d be willing to postpone it until I could prove I was a better man.

I waited patiently while she opened the envelope. Soon, her big brown eyes began to fill with tears. I was just fucking desperate and barely holding onto my sanity. To an outsider I must have looked like a feral beast as I paced the floor and pulled out more of my hair.

After several minutes, I broke the silence. “So what do you have to say about that, Bella? Do you…?”

 “I'm pregnant with twins... I think they might be girls!”

The world fucking stopped moving. I was just about to ask my babydoll to repeat the sentence when she fainted in the chair. I yelled for Hilda to call Carlisle. He was in fucking emergency surgery, so Esme volunteered to come instead. Fortunately, mom had been given some medic and nurse training over the years.

While we waited, William brought a first aid kit with smelling salts. I put it under Bella’s nose and sighed with relief when her eyes fluttered open. Her throat was dry, so I gave her a bottle of sparkling water to drink.

A few minutes later, Alice and Dante returned. My son was agitated and began crying until Bella was able to hold him. He put his thumb in his mouth and relaxed against her breast. I pulled them both as close as possible and spoke soothing words.

“I’ll be in the living room if you need me,” Alice said, excusing herself. William and Hilda soon followed.

“Say it again,” I begged.

“I’m pregnant. Carlisle did a blood test. Before you accuse me…”

I put my index finger over her plump lips. “I know they’re mine, Bella. I don’t know how to explain this, but the night after we had sex I dreamed of planting seeds and flowers blooming.”

She began sobbing. “Look at us, we’re a mess. How are we going to take care of two, possibly three, small children in the middle of a divorce? I’m just not sure I’m strong enough, Edward.”

I took out a handkerchief and dabbed at her face. “Shhh, don’t cry, sweetheart. I love you. I know you might not believe it right now, but it’s true. I don’t want to get a divorce. It’s just…after our talk I thought it was what would make you happy.”

“So what do we do? I still don’t trust you. I’m just scared you’ll abandon us again,” she confessed pathetically.

“Words won’t be enough, so I’ll have to show you that I’ve fucking changed. I promise to be here with you every step of the way through this pregnancy. Please, give me the next few months. I can even move back in to help.”

She shook her head. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea, Edward. How about…you spend the night a few days a week and we stay at yours sometimes? There are rules—like we wouldn’t sleep in the same bed. This has to be about the babies, not us.”

It was a scrap, but fucking beggars had to take what was offered. “Deal. I know you’re worried. It may not be the best timing, but I’m so fucking happy. We make good-looking kids. I know our little babydolls will be beautiful.”

Bella smiled, laying her head on my shoulder. “They’re going to be a handful  like their big brother. Just imagine when they’re old enough to date and talk back.”

I grimaced. “Hell no. I’ll put the fear of God in any little fucker that comes sniffing around my girls.”

“Well, that’s a long time off. Right now, they’re still safely inside of me.”

Our son cooed softly, drawing our attention back to him. We both rubbed his back lovingly. We may not have had our shit straight, but I knew we both had a lot of love to give. Our children would always know they were cherished.

I bent down and placed a kiss on Bella’s stomach. “Hello, angels. It’s your father. Welcome to the crazy Cullen-Swan family. We can’t wait to meet you.”

The moment was only made more special when Dante touched the top of my head and said, “Da.” 


Leave me a review please. Huggles

7 comments:

  1. loved it bb :D can't wait for more! <3

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  2. loved this chapter one part of me wishes bella would just take him back but the other part knows that she has a lot of trust issues when it comes to him. dantae brought them together again and i hope the twins can do it too. (btw i call them charlotte and roxanne those are my dream names) anyhoo hope you update soon

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  3. I can really tell that Edward is trying .....and hard. He really wants his Babydoll back even if he did sign the divorce papers, but he did it cause she asked him to. As soon as he found out about the twins, he wanted this to work, i hope that divorce never goes through or that it never happens and that this will give them the chance to rebuild there marriage . ......take the time to build up the trust, love, respect and honesty that they had at one time. They still love eachother with a passion that is explosive... they need to learn to controll that passion....and yea, iagree , they can't just hope into bed or have sex as a way to solve the problem or to ignore it...... they need to learn to controll it and i am proud of Edward for...resisting the urge to take his babydoll and fuck her 7 ways to sunday. And she needs to open her eyes and see that Edward is trying and still going to therepy........ Can't wait for more

    the avid reader(sandym)

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  4. It will be hard to restore her trust in Edward, but I see some hope for them. That was a great chapter, as always. I love your fiction.

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  5. Brasil..
    Eu amo essa FIC.. há anos a acompanho...e garota... você sabe como me deixar com o coração palpitando...

    Eu acho que nosso casal já sofreu demais, e espero ansiosamente que agora em diante sejam somente momentos de felicidade.

    Beijos Lyyssa

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  6. I know I'm having the weirdes traction to this "heartfelt" chapter but I can't stop laughing. He's so stupid it's hilarious, like this:
    I pushed my plate away, because I no longer had an appetite. “I am truly sorry and ashamed for what I’ve done to Bella.  I want to put light in her eyes to replace all the darkness. I want to give her what she needs to thrive. Most of all, I want her to know that my love will never die.”

    That is so over the top it's like a killer joke to me. He's fucked so many women so many times and so many at a time during their very, very short marriage and this is what he wants ppl to think he "feels" *facepalm*

    If Bella can cuddle and talk about sort of moving in together with him again I'm not going to take her seriously at all.
    She should have sped up the divorce and gone back to be a Swan.
    He's not really working all that hard to become a better man but his followers of ppl are. They're the once trying to get him better

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