Thursday, December 1, 2011

The 5 Stages of Grief

This is a post to help you understand Bella in the next chapter. I know some of you are not happy with where this fic has gone, but I have to be true to my characters and let them tell the story. I hope that loyal readers will see it through to the end, but I understand if you cannot stick with it. I promise an update soon.

1. Denial and Isolation
The first reaction to learning of terminal illness or death of a cherished loved one is to deny the reality of the situation. It is a normal reaction to rationalize overwhelming emotions. It is a defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock. We block out the words and hide from the facts. This is a temporary response that carries us through the first wave of pain.

2. Anger
As the masking effects of denial and isolation begin to wear, reality and its pain re-emerge. We are not ready. The intense emotion is deflected from our vulnerable core, redirected and expressed instead as anger. The anger may be aimed at inanimate objects, complete strangers, friends or family. Anger may be directed at our dying or deceased loved one. Rationally, we know the person is not to be blamed. Emotionally, however, we may resent the person for causing us pain or for leaving us. We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us more angry.

3. Bargaining
The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control–

  • If only we had sought medical attention sooner…
  • If only we got a second opinion from another doctor…
  • If only we had tried to be a better person toward them… 

4. Depression
Two types of depression are associated with mourning. The first one is a reaction to practical implications relating to the loss. Sadness and regret predominate this type of depression. We worry about the costs and burial. We worry that, in our grief, we have spent less time with others that depend on us. This phase may be eased by simple clarification and reassurance. We may need a bit of helpful cooperation and a few kind words. The second type of depression is more subtle and, in a sense, perhaps more private. It is our quiet preparation to separate and to bid our loved one farewell. Sometimes all we really need is a hug.

5. Acceptance
Reaching this stage of mourning is a gift not afforded to everyone. Death may be sudden and unexpected or we may never see beyond our anger or denial. It is not necessarily a mark of bravery to resist the inevitable and to deny ourselves the opportunity to make our peace. This phase is marked by withdrawal and calm. This is not a period of happiness and must be distinguished from depression.



  1. that's awesome one bb :) even if it's not a chapter.. it gives us heads up for life and so :) can't wait for the chapter xoxo

  2. Can't wait for Chapter :)
    I think this will help people who live in Disney alnd realise that sometimes in life....we feel like shit :) Can't wait for update :D

  3. Totalmente diferente de todas as outras fics que já li. E confio em você. Não abandonarei.

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  5. I totally understand the process.
    Please don't abandon this wonderful fiction.
    I have read it during all my convalescence and I'm not totally healed, and your fiction is like a shoot of what, I don't know, but it's important.
    Take care of you and your beloved.

  6. I wish for you and your beloved ones the very best all through 2012. And maybe a new chapter soon ????