Monday, September 5, 2011

Chapter 8: The Way That I Love You-Part 2

A/N: It's been a long time since I gave you an update. I needed a break from fic and the fandom. It was good for me. Now, I'm back and you'll get more regular updates. This second part got long on me and ended up being 16K words, so I'm splitting it here. The third part will be posted this week.

If you can't handle LAMTAF2 and don't want to read it, I understand. This story will go into some heavy angst and infidelity issues will arise. I promise to warn you guys about difficult chapters. I want this fic to be somewhat realistic, and we have a Mafia Don with a mental illness, and a woman that loves him beyond reason. It won't all be pretty.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, a good waffle iron, or sanity.


After all of the times that we tried,
I found out we were living a lie
And after all of this love that we made,
I know now you don't love me the same
The way that I love
(The way that I love you)
The way that I love
(The way that I love you)
The way that I love
(The way that I love you)
I woke up kinda early today, and something told me from
that moment it wouldn't be the same
Felt like you were hidin' something, but I didn't push it,
I didn't complain or say nothing
I tried to act like I didn't see it,
'cause deep down I know I didn't wanna believe it..

The Way That I Love You-Ashanti

BPOV

As I sat outside of Dr. Athena's office waiting for Edward, I thought about all the ways our marriage had gone wrong in a year. I had planned to confront Edward about Gina's cryptic call, but he'd barely been home since Dante's birthday party. I knew he was avoiding me. Honestly, I wouldn't have been surprised if he'd decided to skip the session.

I was making myself sick with worry when Dr. A opened her door. We greeted each other with a casual hug, and then she ushered me to the white leather couch. The room smelled line fresh pine and there were glasses of hot apple cider on the coffee table.

"You look flushed, dear. Are you feeling okay?" Dr. A asked worriedly.

Calmly, I picked up a cup and took a sip of the cider. Charlie had been fond of it, so I'd learned how to make it from scratch. When I was ten, he'd taken Jasper and I to a farm where we picked apples for hours before going home and making various recipes with them. It was one of my fondest memories.

"I miss my parents, and Edward is…distant. I know he's under a lot of stress with the campaign and the Family, but I feel like I'm in this marriage alone. I don't know if we're going to make it," I confessed truthfully.

She smiled and leaned forward to pat my hand. "You're a strong woman, Bella. I've seen firsthand how much you and Edward love and care for each other. I know it's not easy being married to a man like him, but you've done a great job."

I snorted, causing me to spill a little of the cider on my brown suede skirt. My new daily wardrobe cost more than I used to spend on clothes in a year. The Mafia wife lifestyle had definitely changed me, but was it for the better? Most of the time I just felt like burying my head and letting myself go under the waves, but I knew my little lamb deserved far better.

Twenty minutes later, Edward strolled in and took a seat next to me. I watched as he made apologies to Dr. A. about some meeting that went overtime. He even had an excuse for why he didn't call. It was times like these when I glimpsed the old Edward--the manwhore who played women as well as he played the piano. He disgusted me.

"Hey, babydoll. I really did mean to call. You look hot as fuck in that skirt," Edward said, leering at my thighs.

"You know you shouldn't wear that shit out of the house, though. I'm running for fucking State Senate. I don't need the electorate thinking my wife is a slut or getting a goddamn hard-on looking at her."

What the hell?

I turned to Dr. A. and pointed at Edward. "You see! This is what I have to deal with all the time. He never has time for me or his son; but when he does come home, all I hear are complaints and accusations. I'm so sick of it all!"

"Why the fuck are you freaking out, Bella? I was just making a fucking suggestion. Excuse me for not wanting men to use pictures of my wife to get off," he mumbled, glaring at me.

Smirking, I sat forward so that we were eye to eye. "Why do you even care, Edward? You've made it clear that your family is not your first priority. You defiled our marriage in Chicago. I'm always here for you, but you keep pushing me away. How many women are you sleeping with this time? I can't even trust you anymore."

He laughed while glancing at the Doctor. "This is why I don't want go home. She turns everything into a motherfucking argument! Yes, I've messed up, but I fucking confessed about all the shit that happened. Whatever I do is never good enough."

By this point, my blood was on fire. Dr. A. was saying something to Edward, but the pounding in my head blocked out their conversation. It wasn't fair for him to put all our problems on my shoulders. I was trying to be a good wife.

I decided this was as good of a time as any to ask the question which kept me up at night. "Are you fucking Gina Bartello? I got a strange phone call from her asking about some handkerchief. What's going on?"

He stood up, walked over to the corner, and began punching the wall. "I'm going to kill that fucking bitch! She's fucking harassing my wife. My fucking wife! I'll fucking slit her throat."

Dr. A. pulled out her phone and dialed a number. I knew she was calling Caius. A part of me wanted to go to Edward, but he was big and I'd been hurt too much lately by his hands. His violent reaction hadn't helped matters.

After he made several dents in the wall, my husband slumped to the floor. I saw little pools of blood trickle down his hands. All I could do was sit numbly while Dr. A attended to him with a first aid kit. Nothing made sense anymore.

"Babydoll," Edward called, reaching out for me.

I shook my head. "You did this to yourself. I asked a simple yes or no question, and you turned into an animal."

Sighing, he raised his head and looked me in the eye. "I'm not fucking Gina or anyone else. I promise you that I'm still faithful. You're the only woman I want."

It felt a weight was lifted off of my shoulders with those words, but a little voice in my head warned me not to believe those lies. The last time I'd heard the same little voice was when I was in denial about being pregnant.

Look how that turned out.

I don't know how much time passed before Caius arrived. He kissed Athena and I on the forehead before kneeling down in front of Edward. Caius was wearing a long, jet-black overcoat, which made his Albino features stand out all the more. He looked like the Grim Reaper kneeling before my husband.

They exchanged words in Italian. It was too much and too fast for me to comprehend. Clearly whatever Caius said was harsh, because Dr. A. kept trying to get him to back off. Edward just stood there, looking at his godfather as if he wasn't really seeing him at all.

"Scusarsi!" Caius bellowed, harshly pulling Edward's limp body up from the floor.

"I'm sorry, Athena. I'll pay for all the damages and shit," Edward's voice sounded completely lifeless..

All of a sudden, he walked over to me and got down on his knees. "Please…please. I need you to trust me. I'm in a bad place right now, but I'm trying. All this testing and bipolar shit has me spooked. You and DC are the only good things I've ever done in my miserablefucking life. Please, babydoll, give me another chance."

I looked up to see Caius and Athena. watching us nervously. Athena shrugged, letting me know it was completely up to me. I was grateful they were willing to stay out of our relationship, but Caius looked like he'd have words with Edward later.

Gently, I caressed Edward's soft hair. It grew pretty fast in the winter and was forever falling into his eyes. "I love you, honey. I've given you everything I can, but you know the one thing I can't accept. We can't stay married if trust is gone. If I find out you're cheating on me, I won't stay. You've always known how I feel about adultery. I just don't understand why Gina would lie, and why you won't get rid of her."

He stood up and pulled me into his arms. "I have my reasons, but it's only you, babydoll. You're the only one that touches my black heart. I'll die without you."

I didn't have the strength to fight any longer, so I decided to trust my husband. We clung to each other like Jack and Rose in Titanic, letting the tears flow down our faces. Dr. A. always said no marriage could make it across the ocean without a few waves. Unfortunately, Edward and I didn't even have year in matrimony, and we were already drowning.

"Come here, honey. Let me dress your hands," I offered, taking the first aid kit Dr. A. offered. The task only took a few minutes but by the time it was done, I felt much better. My husband needed me right now, and I'd never turned my back on anyone who truly needed me.

After we calmed down, Caius left. We spent the rest of the session working on ways to improve our communication skills. Dr. A. suggested that we each keep a journal and exchange them twice a month. Sometimes it was easier to write things down than to actually say them aloud.

~~LAMTAF~~

Half an hour later, Edward and I were in his Phantom headed to lunch. We had a lot of bad stuff between us, but neither of us could keep our eyes off of each other. The smell of spice and sandalwood filled my nostrils as I inhaled my husband's unique scent.

Still sin and desire.

"Can we go home and just get takeout, Edward? I'm not really in the mood to be around people."

Soon, we were pulling into our private garage. There were no security guys around because Edward had them working at the docks for the next few days. It didn't matter, though, because we had the latest state of the art security system installed. I felt safe.

The minute my husband turned off the car, I was in his arms. We clawed at each other's clothes like wild animals in heat. I took off Edward's shirt, kissing his broad chest and pink nipples as he ripped my new silk blouse. I was too far gone to pout over the money wasted.

"You taste like hot chocolate," Edward mused, licking my tongue. I mewled like a cat, slanting my lips so he could probe deeper.

Pretty soon, my bra was added to the clothing casualties. Edward had no patience for snaps and buttons when he was horny. I giggled as he wrestled the suede skirt over my head. I guess that particular material was too strong for my caveman to rip.

"Fuck! I fucking want my dick buried in your sweet pussy. Babydoll, help me get my pants off."

I licked the shell of Edward's ear and whispered, "Front seat or back seat," all while grinding my wetness onto his erection.

He hissed and moved the driver's seat back. "Fucking shit! There's no way I can move now. We'll have to do it here."

Nodding, I maneuvered my body so I was facing the steering wheel. One of Edward's big hands squeezed my backside roughly while he used the other to rub my clit. My juices were already leaking on to his thighs.

"Are you ready?" I asked, looking back at him.

He nodded and spread his legs a little. Leaning forward and up, I was able to lower myself onto Edward's length. He cried out in pleasure as I took him hard. I loved making love to my husband. He was so big that he hit every spot. I felt him everywhere.

Slowly, I began swirling my hips and bouncing up and down. As I rode Edward, I used the wheel as leverage. He was hitting my special spot each time I came down on his lap. We worked ourselves into a perfect rhythm of thrusting and pulling back.

"You're so fucking hot. How could I ever cheat on this? I love you, Mrs. Cullen."

Tears prickled my eyes at his sweet words. "I love you, Mr. Cullen. Don't ever make me doubt you again or we…won't be doing this anymore."

Growling, Edward began sliding his slick, long fingers into my other hole. I came apart, screaming his name.

He wasn't done yet, though, and continued pounding me as I tried to keep my grip on the leather steering wheel.

"I want your sweet ass, babydoll. Say I can have it," he begged, caressing my lower stomach.

I whimpered and nodded. "Yes! Yes! Anything you want. Don't stop."

Suddenly, Edward pulled out. Then he opened the door and exited the car. Knowing what he wanted, I got on my hands and knees, leaving my ass to hang out of the door. Edward rubbed lube on both of us before plunging into me again.

"Fuck!" I screamed as he began pushing his girth inside of my rosebud.

"All I think about when I'm gone is coming home and doing this to you. Your ass drives me fucking insane. Don't get me wrong, I love your pussy, but to know that you let me have your ass makes me feel fucking powerful," my husband stated proudly.

I blushed and tried to look back at him. "Are you going to write odes to my butt, or are you going to bring me to paradise?"

The cool air hit me as Edward began lightly smacking my backside. I groaned and buried my head into the leather seat. It smelled like pure sex, which only turned me on more. I wanted Edward to fuck me so hard I wouldn't be able to feel any of the pain anymore.

"Harder," I screamed, meeting him thrust for thrust.

"My naughty little tigress," Edward whispered. I smiled, hearing the fondness in his voice.

While he pumped, I was rubbing my clit like a mad woman. When Edward took over, I pressed his hand right where it needed to be, crying out his name as he pinched my engorged nub. All thoughts and sensations fell away as I climbed towards my impending orgasm.

"I…come…babydoll," Edward grunted as I felt his jism coating my insides.

I continued using his limp hand to rub my clit, but my own pleasure eluded me. The more I tried for the orgasm, the further away it became. I'd never had anal sex with Edward without coming gloriously at the end. The new development worried me deeply.

For the first time in my sexual life, I faked an orgasm. I tried to make all the same noises and movements so Edward wouldn't get suspicious. Besides, it wasn't really a big deal. At least I'd gotten off during the first part.

Seconds later, Edward collapsed on my back, half inside and half outside of the Phantom. I curled up on to my side, so we both fit better. My husband's chest heaved mightily as he struggled to catch his breath.

Smiling softly, I rubbed the tattoo of my name over his heart. "That's just what I needed, Mr. Cullen. Now I'm starved, and you've ruined my clothes."

Edward pulled me to his chest and opened his eyes. "What's the matter, babydoll?"

"Nothing is wrong, honey. That was just what I needed," I replied, kissing his stubbly chin.

He buried his hand in my hair and tugged until I looked into his emerald eyes. "Don't fucking lie to me, Bella. I know you faked the last orgasm. I know your body as well as my own."

Before I knew what was happening, tears were falling from eyes. "I've been so scared and worried. I don't know what's going to happen with us. I think it's just stress. I shouldn't have faked it, but I didn't want to hurt your feelings. I'm sorry."

Edward pulled me close, gently kissing my lips. "There's nothing to be sorry about, babydoll. I hate that you didn't come. Sexual pleasure is about the only damn thing I can give you besides material goods. Was I too rough? Were you in pain?"

I shook my head. "No, no! It was great, and I was so close. Maybe it was my subconscious. You give me so much, Edward. All I want is you."

After we made out for a little while, Edward and I helped each other clean up the best we could. Since my clothes were ruined, I had to wear his long black Burberry trench coat. My caveman didn't want me to catch a chill.

"You look like a wannabe Mafioso, Bella," Edward teased.

I stuck out my tongue and gave him the middle finger. "Who says girls can't be real gangsters? You and your Mafia friends are sexist."

Laughing, he carried me into the elevator and put the code in for our floor. We bantered all the way to the door. The stress from earlier was forgotten for a while, but I knew it was just a temporary reprieve.

While I showered, Edward called one of his guys to pick up food from my favorite sushi place. I knew I'd been losing too much weight. My ribs stuck out more and my waist was smaller. It was just another way to show how out of tune our relationship had become. The old Edward would have noticed those physical changes in me.

Afterwards, I got dressed in some loose, pink pajama pants and a white Henley. I was brushing my hair when Edward walked into our bedroom. He didn't say a word as he walked up and placed a California roll in my mouth.

"Mmm, it's so good," I moaned, wrapping my lips around his fingers.

He groaned and placed his strong arms around my body. In the mirror, we looked so perfect. His large body and unique eyes and hair perfectly complimented my delicate, dark looks. We fit like two pieces in a puzzle.

"You're only getting more beautiful, babydoll. I want… I want so much with you, but I have to fight these demons. I won't take you down to Hell with me. Te amo," Edward whispered, kissing my jaw.

I turned around slowly. "We need to talk, Edward. Let's go get some plates made and crawl into bed. I'm exhausted, and you haven't had much rest either."

A little while later, we were in bed eating our meal off of a large wooden tray. I'd lit some scented candles which gave the room a delicious aroma. Even though Edward was with me, he was distant. "Tell me what's on your mind," I prodded, nudging his knee.

He looked up as if he'd forgotten I was in the room with him. "In Chicago... when I went to that place, I knew it was wrong. I feel so much pain and anger all the time. I took some of it out on you. I'll never forgive myself for that…"

I touched his face. "Shhh, I forgave you. Tell me more about this pain. I know killing that teenage boy was hard on you, but if you hadn't shot him then one of ours would be gone. He was playing a grown man's game, Edward. I do grieve for the mother, though."

"It's just every-fucking-thing! Sometimes, I wish we could go back to that first encounter. I would kick Jasper's ass out of the office and never look your way again. It would have been the best thing for me to do. But then, I think of all the happiness I've had with you…our son, the marriage, feeling love for the first time. I'm such a greedy motherfucker. If I could go back to that day in my office, I would still have to have you, babydoll."

After pulling him to my chest, I let Edward know I didn't regret us being together. I told him how much I loved him, how he'd given me a real family again. There were lots of bad times, but I wouldn't have traded them for the time we'd spent together.

My husband was silent for several minutes before pulling away. "I know I'm bipolar. What if DC inherits it? I may have fucked up his life before he has a chance to be his own person. The drugs… The drugs help numb it sometimes, but I'm not myself. I tried substituting with pain. I went to that BDSM club because I knew I couldn't ask you to hurt me. I let some bitch shock and beat me until I cried out for her to stop. I'm not going to lie to you, Bella...it felt…good."

Gasping, I pushed the food aside. "It felt good? Did you orgasm?"

He nodded guiltily. "That's the part I didn't tell you. I can't fucking stand my own body. My skin feels too tight all the goddamn time. The drugs and the pain numb me. I'm not sure I'm strong enough to withstand either of those temptations."

"No!" I screeched hysterically. "Why didn't you tell me? You let someone else bring you pleasure. I thought… I thought you did it just for the pain. I don't understand, Edward. This hurts...another woman gave you something I wouldn't…that I couldn't… What else have you lied to me about?"

Defeated, he hung his head. "I'm sorry, Bella. Mi dispiace."

Suddenly, it seemed like the last hour of sex and flirting had never happened. I felt sick again, and I knew that I had to get away from Edward before I fell apart. He didn't deserve my tears.

Trembling, I faced him head on. "I don't think you'll ever know how much this hurts me, Edward. I know you're lying to me about other things, too. Gina fucking harassed me, and you didn't fire her! You always choose your bimbos over me. I have feelings, too. I can't trust you anymore. Maybe I never should have in the first place."

I was halfway to the door when Edward grabbed my arm and pushed me against the wall. "I knew you'd be like this! I fucking kept shit from you to avoid this argument. You don't trust me... Well, I don't trust you either! You don't fucking come on my cock. How do I know you're not fucking Giles or some other asshole? I'm not with you all day."

Trying to break out his grasp was like fighting against stone handcuffs. Angrily, I used my legs to kick him in the balls. "Don't you put your hands on me like that again! I've had enough. I'm going to tell Marcus and Caius everything. Why do you think you can manage the Volturi or Senate when you can't manage your own home? You need more help than I can give you. You're…crazy!"

He let me go and began laughing. "At least you're finally being honest, Isabella." I cringed, hearing my full name on his tongue. Somehow, it sounded wrong when he used it.

"You don't want a crazy motherfucker for a husband. Go tell on me and be like all the other stupid fucking bitches."

I felt like I was in a dream as I balled up my fist and punched Edward square in his jaw. I didn't stop there, though. I hit him all over until my hands were bloody and raw. He didn't make a move to defend himself, eventually falling to the floor. I spat, slapped, and hit until my body gave out.

When I woke up, I was in bed alone. Edward had dressed my hands. Thankfully, they didn't look too bad. I let the tears flow freely while I thought about what I did. I promised to never hurt Edward, and then a few minutes later I was pummeling him into the ground.

What's wrong with me?

"I deserved it," Edward said, startling me from the doorway. He looked like he'd been in a fight with an alley cat.

I shook my head. "That's not me. I don't want to be that person. I can't…live with all this anger towards you."

He decided to change the subject. "I have shit to work on tonight. Esme called. She'll bring DC back in about an hour. Let's…just try to give him a good first Christmas. You can fucking hate me all you want, but I'm still your husband and his father. If you rat on me, wait until after the holidays. Get some rest, Bella."

He left, and I screamed into my pillow as my heart broke into a million pieces. It was hard to breathe. Honestly, I wanted to curl up and die. The moment of despair made me miss my parent's fiercely.

By the time Esme and Carlisle came by, I'd cleaned myself up and made a quick dinner. Jasper and Alice also stopped by to eat with us. My brother kept shooting me suspicious looks, but I put on a fake smile and pretended to be happy.

Edward didn't come home that night. In a moment of weakness I called his phone, but it went straight to voicemail. I had Dante coo and told him we loved him. Scared and alone, I fell asleep with my little lamb clinging to me.

The next day, Huilen, Nahuel, and Vladimir arrived. It was just the distraction I needed. Edward had already booked them a master suite at the Four Seasons. They greeted us warmly. Nahuel was especially excited to meet Dante in person.

He took out a notebook and wrote, "He is beautiful," while Huilen bounced my angel on her knee. They were a big part of the reason we were both still alive, and I loved them greatly.

After we caught up, I introduced them to the rest of our family. Rose and Huilen hit it off automatically. They both had a love of crazy nail designs. Alice hated Vlad's wardrobe and decided he could be her male guinea pig while he was in town. Nahuel mostly stayed around me, just observing everything with his large, black eyes.

In the afternoon, Edward finally called. I held the phone so he could talk to our son. Then he told me Paulo and Chara were due in tomorrow. They were also bringing their sons--Achilles, Isaac, and Sebastian. I was rather nervous about meeting Edward's cousins.

Thankfully, they would be staying with Esme and Carlisle. I loved Chara with all my heart, but she saw too much. If she stayed at the Penthouse, she would know Edward and I were fighting. Despite everything, I was determined to have a great Christmas.

~~LAMTAF~~


"Bella, you look great in that gown! I can't wait for everyone to see it. This is so exciting," Alice squealed, pulling me into a tight hug.

I twirled around, staring at myself in the mirror. Tonight was Alice's fashion show to introduce her boutique. She'd decided to officially open the store and website on the day after Christmas, but tonight was her coming out to the local fashion world.

As I was staring, Rose walked in with Esme. They handed me a little plate filled with appetizers. I smiled and ate a turkey wrap. When I looked up, everyone was staring at me.

"What?" I asked, checking to see if I had mayo on my nose.

Esme sat next to me and took my hand. "Bella, you're getting too skinny. Alice noticed and asked us to talk to you. What's the matter, sweetheart?"

"It's…Edward. We're having serious problems. I think he hates me now. I can barely function," I confessed, sniffling softly.

Rose sat on the other side of the couch and offered me some Kleenex. "I fucking knew it! What has he been doing to you, Bella? Don't lie to us, because I saw bruises on your arms." Both Esme and Alice gasped, moving closer.

After a moment of silence, I let it all spill. It felt good getting it off of my chest. Esme was curiously quiet, but Rose and Alice yelled obscenities throughout. By the time I was finished, I felt a little better.

Suddenly, Esme stood up and walked to the door. "Where are you going, Mom?" Alice asked worriedly.

The older woman wiped tears from her eyes and promised she'd be back before the show started. I'd never seen Esme look so miserable. I wanted to go to her, but I had nothing left to give.

After a while, Kate, Maggie, Bree, and the other models arrived. Alice had purposely chosen a mixture of sizes. She wanted her boutique to be for all women and not perpetuate eating disorders. I was proud of my sister for making her dreams come true.

Being with the girls was great. We gossiped about work, men, and kids. I learned that we all had problems. Rose and Emmett were trying for another baby with no luck. Alice and Jasper were still fighting about whether to have one at all. Kate was feeling like a bad mother because Garrett spent the most time with Sasha.

Eventually, hair and makeup came to put on the finishing touches. My long hair was swept up into an elaborate updo accented with swan-shaped Svarski crystals. With my heavily lined eyes and pale nude lips, I looked like a real bombshell.

The first look I was supposed to model was a floor length red gown with one strap. It was gorgeous and fit me like a glove. As I looked at myself in the mirror, I vowed to have a good time during the show.

While the other girls finished getting ready, I called the night Nanny to check up on my little lamb. I heard Felix and Chelsea laughing in the background. They were staying over because I was still an overprotective mother. I didn't take any chances with my baby's safety. Thankfully, my angel was fine and resting peacefully.

Esme returned late and got scolded by her hyper daughter. She just laughed and kissed us all before letting the makeup and hair team primp her. Athena wasn't in the show, but she came backstage to wish us luck.

Thirty minutes before curtain call, we got a rush of visitors. Siobhan and Liam surprised Maggie with a dozen roses. She looked so happy to see her parents and wasted no time introducing them to a blushing Bree.
Where Liam was coarse and loud, Siobhan had a quiet strong nature. I immediately liked her and the beautiful Irish lilt of her voice. Laughing, she told me a few funny stories about Edward as a child, and I told her about my little lamb.

Di and Marcus were the next guests. They insisted they couldn't miss their goddaughter's first show and had taken an earlier flight. We were all very happy to see them, but Di was sad Dante wasn't with us.

"I know everything, Bella. He won't hurt you again," Marcus whispered, kissing my forehead. I was too stunned to speak.

The Emcee for the show was a local fashion journalist who was dressed like a flamboyant Santa Clause. He got the crowd worked up and excited while we worked through any remaining nerves. I took deep breaths as Alice gave us one last pep talk before the first model went on stage. She had chosen a mix of pop and techno as our "strut music".

Pretty soon, it was time for me to do my first catwalk. I sauntered on stage with my held high. Alice had worked very hard on this collection, and I was determined not to be the weak link. The lights were hot, but I ignored the discomfort.

The show went off flawlessly. On my last turn, wearing a short, dark blue lace teddy and robe, I noticed Edward in the front row. He was with three other men I didn't recognize. The anger in his emerald eyes almost made me stumble in my heels.

When I got backstage, I ran to the bathroom and vomited. The hate I'd seen on Edward's face had been my undoing. Crying and retching, I stayed on the floor of the stall until I heard other voices. Frantically, I stood up and went to the sink to rinse out my mouth.

"The show was a success, Bella. Alice is out there sighing autographs," Rose informed me, chucking as she checked her makeup.

I smiled. "Everyone looked gorgeous. Um, what do we do now?"

"Alice wants us to put on our best gowns, go back out, and schmooze. Do you need any help getting your dress on?" she asked, helpfully.

I shook my head. "I'll be out in a minute."

Later, I was sipping a flute of champagne as two guys told me how much they loved my gown. While I was telling them about the detail, I noticed Edward stalking over. On instinct, I tensed up. Fortunately, Marcus saw and rerouted Edward.

We had our celebration dinner in a private room of The Four Seasons. Edward and I arrived arm in arm, because the event was going to be in the society papers. We needed to seem like a happily married couple so he would win the State Senate seat.

As the cameras flashed, I tried not to look too uncomfortable. My husband looked as handsome as ever in his black, Italian cut Armani suit and shiny wing-tipped shoes. His red tie perfectly matched my dress and his hair looked a little windswept. All in all, he oozed sexiness and class. Numbly, I let him hold me while I pretended to be the perfect trophy wife again. Inside, I was screaming to get away.

Once I got a minute alone, I deserted Edward and went to stand out on the balcony. The night was chilly, but my white fur stole kept me warm. The brightness of the moon only highlighted the tears that fell on to the bodice of my gown.

"My family hates me again. I hope you're happy," Edward snarled, interrupting my thoughts.

I turned around, taking in his manly beauty. How could he be so ugly inside? "Do I look happy? I'm just trying to hold myself together. I didn't want to tell anyone, but they asked. I'm tired of lying for you all the time."

He stepped up to the railing, which made me move further towards the pillar in the middle. The night became a whole lot chillier when Edward was near. I briefly wondered when I'd started being so afraid of my husband. The man I loved had turned into a monster whom I could barely stand.

Sighing, he offered me his glass of champagne. "Drink this, it'll warm you up."

I took the glass, downing it in one gulp. "Why do you hate me so much, Edward? I saw it in your eyes at the show. Next week is our one year wedding anniversary. We aren't going to make it to two, are we?"

He was about to answer when we were interrupted by the three men I'd seen with him earlier. They looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn't place them. Each one had different features, but they were all tall with broad shoulders.

Edward blinked and ushered them forward. "Bella, these are my cousins. They flew in a day early to catch the show. The blond one is Isaac, the black-haired one is Sebastian, and the ginger is Achilles." I stepped forward, nervously offering my hand.

Achilles was the first to speak. "You did a great job tonight on the stage," he said, kissing my knuckles. They were still a little bruised so I'd worn evening gloves.

"Pleasure to meet you," I replied, giving him a little curtsy.

Neither Isaac nor Sebastian approached me. They seemed to be having a private conversation with Edward over my head. I tried not to fidget as Sebastian's gray eyes appraised me. Isaac, on the other hand, barely glanced my way.

"Fuck! Don't be rude motherfuckers. This is my wife. Shake her hand," Edward ordered, putting his arm around me. They complied but there was no love in it. I decided to avoid those two as much as possible.

Luckily, Jasper came to ask me to dance. I mumbled a goodbye and let him whisk me away. Edward looked like he wanted to follow, but Isaac stopped him. I felt the rift between us grow stronger.

"Why didn't you come to me?" Jas asked, as he waltzed me around the room.

"I didn't want you to hate Edward. He's sick, Jas. He needs help," I explained.

My brother shook his head. "You and DC come first. I think you need time away from Edward. When I heard everything, I wanted to bash his head in with a bat. Alice and I had a huge fight. She had to climb on my back to stop me from going after him."

I began to cry, so he gave me his handkerchief. "I just want to have a nice holiday. Caius and Marcus are handling Edward. He won't physically hurt me again. Please, Jas, give Dante his first Christmas drama free."

Around eleven, people started to clear out. Alice was crowned the new queen of fashion and our show got several glowing reviews. Fortunately, I didn't see Edward or his evil cousins the rest of the night.

When I got home, I checked on my little lamb. Then I went to the bathroom, washed off my makeup, took down my hair, and changed into one of Edward's tee shirts. As usual, I went to sleep crying.

~~~LAMTAF~~~

A few days later, I was awakened a little after six in the morning. Edward was next to me petting my hair. I wanted to be angry, but the truth was I'd missed his gentle touch. Sighing, I let the tears fall.

"Wake up, babydoll. I have to take you somewhere," he murmured, kissing my cheeks.

I closed my eyes and asked him if he was kidding. He smirked and said a bunch of stuff in Italian. When he finished, he leaned down and kissed me on the lips. I grabbed his shirt and pushed him away.

"No! We aren't going to have sex. This always happens. You treat me like dirt and worm your way back into my heart. I don't want to go anywhere with you!" I yelled, sitting up.

He began tugging on his hair. "I just need… It's not… Come on, I'm taking you and DC somewhere. I've spent the last few days with my fucking Godfathers, Bella. It's been hell being away from you, from our son. Please, just do this for me."

Warily, I walked to the bathroom and started getting ready. Soon, I was clad in a pair of jeans and a green Christmas sweater. Edward had taken the time to get Dante dressed. My little lamb looked so cute in his red onesie and bubble coat as he suckled a bottle of breast milk.

"I'm ready," I said, putting on my coat.

Edward handed Dante to me, and then we rode the elevator downstairs. It was two days before Christmas. I'd been forbidden to decorate the Penthouse. When I'd asked about a tree, Esme said she had something special planned.

After putting our son in his car seat, we were off. I dozed as we listened to Edward's personal mix of classical music. DC was quiet, only occasionally burping or babbling gibberish. He seemed happy.

All too soon, we were in front of our new mansion. It was finally done. The first thing I noticed were the potted poinsettias leading up the drive. They immediately put me in a holiday mood. Smiling, I got out and looked around while Edward carried Dante.

We made it to the front together. Edward opened the door and sat my little lamb's car seat on the floor. Confused I looked back at him. He looked frightened.

"Can I, um, carry you over the threshold? I understand if you don't…"

I held out my hand. "Maybe this can be our new beginning. I'm ready."

Being in Edward's arms again was a peaceful experience. I was willing to try and leave the hurt and anger in the past. My husband needed me to battle his demons. Somehow, I'd have to find it in myself to really forgive and forge ahead.

After taking our little lamb out of his carrier, Edward softly kissed the back of my hand. "This is your dream house, Bella. If you want anything added, you let me know. Mom did a fucking fantastic job of decorating all this shit."

My emotions were out of control as I took in the traditional Christmas trees leading up the stone steps. Our baby would play and run when he was older on those stairs. Crying, I held on to the banister and began my walk to a new life.

Each room was unique and beautiful. Later, I planned to go into detail with my sisters, but in that moment all I wanted was to fawn over the beauty. There were marble pillars, cashmere rugs, diamond and crystal chandeliers, and intricate stone fireplaces among other things.

"Thank you, Edward. I love this. I love you," I mumbled, sobbing into his chest.

"Babydoll, I'm not worthy. All the shit I've said over the last few days, you know none of it is true. I love you so much. We can try to pretend otherwise, but you know we'll fail. I need you,"

A few minutes later, we made it to the nursery. The walls were pale blue and all the other furniture was white.The absolutely gorgeous, round white canopy crib was perfect for our little prince, and the bookshelves were already filled with my childhood favorites.

Because Dante started to whine, I sat down in the rocking chair and unlatched my nursing bra. Edward relaxed on the rug while I fed my angel for the first time in his new room. Dante guzzled until my breasts were empty.

"I think all this excitement has given you a big appetite," I mused, kissing his chubby fingers.

Next, Edward showed me the master bedroom. It was fit for a Queen. I thought it might be too girly for my husband, but he assured me he didn't have a problem with it. The huge canopy bed and the equally decadent furniture had probably cost a fortune. I recognized some of the items from a catalog Esme had given to me.

Two French doors opened up to a balcony with potted plants and more expensive furniture. The master bathroom was bigger than the house I'd grown up in and had a separate door which led to the toilets and Bidet.

"Edward, is that platinum?" I asked, pointing to the second toilet.

He smirked. "I had to make it a little Don friendly. You didn't notice, but the faucets and fixtures in the bath area are pure gold. I want the best for my family."

"Whatever," I said, rolling my eyes. The bathroom led to a massive walk in closet filled with wardrobes, clothes, and shoes.

By eleven, we'd seen every inch of the mansion. Edward informed me that we'd be spending Christmas in Aspen, because he wanted to give me real snow this year. For the first time in weeks, I was excited.

~~~LAMTAF~~

After leaving the house, we boarded the private jet. The rest of our family and friends were already en route. Dante and I slept the whole plane ride. When I woke up, Edward was playing with Dante. I smiled, taking a picture of both of my guys.

We're going to make it.

Thankfully, we only had a few steps to walk to the waiting SUV. It was very cold outside, and I didn't want my little lamb to get sick again. As we drove to our destination, I pointed to the snow men along the road.

"Look, jelly belly, that one looks like you," I teased, ticking my angel.

He laughed and stuck his middle finger up. Glaring, I looked over at Edward who was trying very hard not to burst out laughing. I was still pretty sure my baby's first word wouldn't be a good one.

Soon, we pulled up to three large mansions facing a frozen lake. Fat snowflakes fell from the sky as Edward's men helped us to the door. Esme, Di, and the rest of the family were in the living room decorating a tree.

As quick as possible, I shrugged out of my coat and boots. I loved this part of Christmas, and we hadn't gotten the chance to do it last year. Excitedly, Alice took my hand and gave me a popcorn string. Di stole Dante the minute he was in the room. I smiled as she showed him an angel ornament.

Throughout the rest of the day, we just enjoyed everyone's company. Since the house was warm from the heat and fire, we let Dante and Sasha roam around in their diapers. They looked adorable in their little Santa hats while they played with boxes.

Edward sat in an armchair talking to his cousins as Onyx weaved in between his legs. "Damn demon cat," I heard him mumble before he pushed her to the side.

I giggled, which made Chara notice me. I asked her about her son's behavior. She told me they were close to Edward and very protective. She also promised me they'd come around or else she'd beat them into submission.

Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, I went to find Edward. Our little lamb was asleep and I wanted to talk. My husband was in the cabin's library, reading a book. Casually, I stood in the doorway and cleared my throat to alert him to my presence.

"What are you reading?"

He held the book binding up so I could see it. "Socrates. I'm trying to get into a political mindset. We only have until February."

I began playing with the hem of my shirt and avoiding his gaze. "I'm happy for you, but… I don't trust Gina."

Smiling, he winked at me. "She has been punished for messing with you, and I promise her ass is toast after I win."

"I'm holding you to that," I replied, temporarily placated by his words. "I also want Anna gone. Edward, we'll never heal if all these outsiders keep interfering."

He nodded slowly. "I'll do anything you want, babydoll.

"Dr. Uley says if I'm confirmed as bipolar, I'll have to take medicine. I'll be a fucking freak. Are you okay with being married to a psycho? It's already enough that you joined the Mafia by becoming my wife."

"You're not a psycho, Edward. When I called you 'crazy', I was mad. I'm sorry. I'll be here for you. I take our vows very seriously," I said with conviction.

My plan to not have sex with Edward was quickly dissolving. Everything he did made me wet. I bit down on my lip while he stared at me from across the room. We were both two seconds away from jumping each other.

Slowly, I walked over to the couch and crawled into his lap. He beamed, showing me his full set of perfect teeth and that long tongue I loved so much. Any resistance I had worked up was gone in the blink of an eye.

Feeling like a failure, I mumbled, "Fuck me", and began unbuttoning his designer pants.

He leaned forward and whispered, "I thought you'd never ask, babydoll," as I sprung him free.

I hated myself for what I'd become. Because of him, I knew what drug addicts felt like. My lust was beyond any control. As mad as I was with Edward, I was still going to let him have my body. Besides, it seemed to be the only thing he wanted these days.

He doesn't want me anymore, I thought sadly.

"I'm going to fuck that tight little pussy of yours until you can't walk. Is that what you want, Bella? Do you want me to take off my belt and spank your ass while I fuck you?" He asked, palming my breasts.

"No."

He stopped moving and cocked his head to the side. "What the fuck, Bella? My balls fucking hurt."

Grinning, I captured his tongue and bit down lightly. "I want to tie you up with the belt and use your cock to fuck my ass. How does that sound?"

I watched Edward's eyes go dark as he gaped at me. "Let's take this to the bedroom, Mrs. Cullen. It's going to be a merry-fucking-Christmas, indeed."

We were headed to the door when Edward stopped and turned around. He looked at the empty leather recliner in the corner and began speaking. At first I thought he was joking, but as I looked in his eyes it was clear that he was serious.

"I fucking told you, Dad. She's a keeper. I've loved her from the very first moment. I'm not gonna be like your sorry ass. Leave me the fuck alone!" he screamed, pointing at the empty chair.

By the time we locked eyes again, my Edward was back. I was extremely frightened about what I'd just witnessed and no longer in the mood for sex. Somehow, he must have known because he didn't push me to do anything as we crawled into bed.

"How long have you been seeing your father, Edward? " I asked quietly, stroking his soft hair.

He grimaced. "A few months. I'm sorry, babydoll. Don't tell on me." He sounded like a helpless child.

"Why…Why did you reveal it to me? I'm not complaining, but I have to know, sweetheart."

Edward made a sound, like a mix of a sob and a whimper before his eyes became wet. "I can't do it anymore. I'm fucking scared, Bella. Don't let them put me back in the white room. I just want to be fucking normal." I did the only thing I could do; I kissed my husband and told him I'd never let anyone hurt him.

As he finally calmed down enough to sleep, I stared at the snow falling outside. In my heart I knew I wasn't strong enough to withstand the storm coming, but for now I was content to hold my Edward and give him a little more normal.


I'm still a little too sick for Stoli, but I have Nyquil. Sometimes all we can do is be there for the one we love. The family is mad at Edward, but this is BPOV. They are trying to be nice in front of her. I know Babydoll and Donward aren't perfect, and that's why I love them. Perfection is an ideal, not reality. Let me know what you think. Review and get Dante cuddles. Don't review and Edward's crazy cousins will haunt your dreams. It's always your choice. *Huggles*

3 comments:

  1. OMG POOR EDWARD :( I was mad in the beginning but the ending made me so sad :((((( thanks for the update!

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  2. I've just read LAMTAF and up to chapter 8 of LAMTAF2 in one sitting... and I'm stunned at the beauty of this tale. It's been almost unbearably painful to read in parts, and has literally reduced me to tears several times, but it is so stunningly woven that I can't tear my eyes away. I think it is a wonderful thing for somebody to write about, what is essentially an unhealthy and occassionally abusive, relationship with such honesty and candour, yet to tell it in such a way that one doesn't have the typical urge to wave the characters off as stupid or foolhardy for making unwise choices. Despite the surrealism of the situation the characters are in, the actual relationship between them is painfully real to read. Sorry for the ramble, I just wanted to let you know I'm appreciative of this story and your talent.

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  3. Hello Edward, it's time for your pills ! Be a good boy and take the red one, good BB, now the blu one, yes, that's good BB, now the 2 little white pills and the big white one. Ok ! Good night
    my little Edward.

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