A/N: I'm alive and look an update. No excuses, just been busy and procrastinating. The good news is, I've found my wedding dress. I'm really excited. I know you all have missed Donward. This chapter goes into some dark places. It's necessary to tell the story. I know people want fluff and sex all the time, but sometimes there has to be angst. Bear with us. This is the first part of Dante's first Thanksgiving. If I get a lot of good feedback, the second part will be posted quickly. I hope you all are well and surviving this cold winter. Always feel free to message or email me if you have questions. Please play on the blog. The song has been added as well as new pictures. Let me know if you have a problem there. Follow Donward and Babydoll if you want to talk to them directly.
"Cause some things just don't change
It's better when they stay the same
Although the whole world knows your name
So on the biggest days they came to see you spit your game
Ooooohhhhhhh It shouldn't be difficult to explain
Just why you came back again, you hate the fame
Love the game, cold as ice you remain
Fuck em' all, tell 'em all eat shit, here we go again
So, god damn... is it that time again already
Haha, you don't look too happy to see me
Fuck man, don't everybody welcome me back at once
All right, fuck ya'll then.
You can get the dick, just call me the ballsac,
I'm nuts Michael Vick in this bitch, dog, fall back you mutts
Fuck your worms, you never seen such a sick puppy…"
Cold Wind Blows-Eminem
The last few days were rough. I knew I was slowly slipping back into my old shit, and my marriage and home life were suffering. If I stayed on this path, it would only be a matter of time before Bella left my sorry ass.
"Want a hit?" Gina asked, passing me a line of powder.
I knocked it out of her hand. "I told you no more of this shit, Gina! This is my fucking office. You listen or your ass is toast. I can find another fucking campaign manager."
She sniffled and began fixing her makeup. "Then why don't you? Why are you fighting this, Edward? I've known you wanted to fuck me since that first day. I can be discreet. You're not the first married man that has wanted to fuck me. Why do you think I've been hired on so many campaigns? Anyone can win, but only I can help you ease your stress."
I jumped up from the desk and grabbed her by the neck. "Do you know who the fuck you're talking to, bitch? Bella is my whole life. I would never fuck you when I could have her. Do your fucking job and get this affair shit out of your head."
Laughing, she placed her hand over my crotch. "That bulge tells me you're a liar, Edward. I have a lunch meeting, so I'll be gone the rest of the day."
Smirking, I shoved her aside. "That bulge is always for my babydoll. She called a few minutes ago. Don't touch me again, or trust me, you won't like the consequences."
"You don't fool me, Mr. Cullen. Keep telling yourself it's all for your precious little babydoll. She's too busy with the baby and her business. Call me if you feel…frisky. Bye, Eddie."
After she left, I threw my glass sniffer against the door. I knew I should have fired Gina a long time ago, but it wasn't exactly easy finding a campaign manager who fit into my lifestyle. The Volturi would have been willing to help if I asked, but I wanted to prove to myself that I could work with a woman without fucking her.
A few minutes later, Demetri and Felix walked into the office carrying boxes of Montecristo Turpedo. I immediately took one from the top and had them place the rest in my desk. Yeah, I'd started smoking again.
Felix frowned, taking the cigar from my hand. "It's not good for you, Boss. Dante needs a daddy with healthy lungs. Do you want to leave Bella a widow? You're only supposed to keep them to give away to visitors."
Scowling, I put the unlit cigar into the desk. "Thanks, mom. I'll have to call Esme and tell her you're picking up the fucking slack."
"Motherfucker, he's right. How are you going to bone Bella if your lungs are full of smoke? I'd hate to see a fine ass MILF like her go without some good lovin'."
I growled. "Don't you talk about my wife like that, asswipe! Get the fuck out and take Felix with you. I think some of you cocksuckers have forgotten the real Edward Cullen. You work for me, Capisce?"
D laughed, pouring himself a glass of aged Scotch. "Says the man that has a baby car seat in the back of his Phantom. You've changed, Eddie. There's nothing wrong with it at all. I like you better this way."
Felix nodded. "Bella and Dante have been good for you. Your aura is brighter."
"Get the fuck out, and stop giving me advice. I'll call you fuckers if I need you," I mumbled, watching them leave.
They were right about my family changing me, but there were still dark places inside, places that scared the fuck out of me. Some nights, Bella had nightmares about James. I was too busy trying to comfort her to deal with my own demons. I'd killed a lot of fucking men to get her back and almost died in the process. At times, that shit messed with my mind.
Then there were problems with the bitches. Jess had her hands full with the new girls, so she'd asked me to hire an experienced stripper and Madame to help her. No one would ever fill Chanel's place, though. She's been the best I ever hired, but I understood her need and want to be Kate--the mother and dentist. I didn't begrudge her happiness.
Lately, the biggest problem was balance. It was getting increasingly harder for me to stay at home and be a father. After the incident in Portland, I just felt guilty whenever I looked at my son. Plus Bella had been so goddamn loving and sweet. I was basically just fucking her and leaving, but she let me. A part of me really got off on hurting her, but later I'd feel sick to my fucking stomach.
My Iphone vibrated, letting me know I had a call. When I looked on the screen, there was a picture of my babydoll wearing a pink gown and holding our son. My heart beat sped up. I hadn't gone home last night or left her a message.
"Hello," I squeaked, bracing myself for the fight.
"Edward, why haven't you been answering my calls? If it wasn't for Felix, I wouldn't even know you were still alive. You don't have to come home for me, but our son would like to see you once in a while."
Groaning, I pinched the bridge of my nose and paced the room. "I was busy. I left you a fucking text. What more do you want from me? I'm handling shit in the suburbs. I'll be home tonight."
She sighed. "Have you… have you been with someone? Is that why you're acting like this?" The last word ended on a sniffle.
The whole conversation was making me angrier. "So, if I'm not at home, you think I'm out fucking some other bitch? After all this time it's nice to know you still don't trust me, Bella. I'll be home to see my son. Don't bother to call again."
I was braced for the fireworks. Hell, I craved that shit, but all she said was a curt 'goodbye' before hanging up. The demon inside of me was dying to get free. I needed some type of release. There was no way I was about to fuck another bitch, so I did three lines of coke.
After that, I went to the bathroom and cleaned up. My eyes were overly bright and my skin was fucking pale. I looked like shit.
The last time I'd done a line was the day Bella surprised me with lunch. I was fucking edgy and Gina easily talked me into it. Then when I'd opened the door and saw my angel, I got angry. She didn't belong in Hell with the Devil.
I'd yelled to make her leave, and later fucked her like some kind of animal in her office. That had been the first time Bella ever looked afraid of me. Later that night, I saw her wince in pain as she took a shower. It was the first time I slept in another bedroom. She was too relieved to question my ass.
An hour later, I jogged down to the basement to check out a shipment. Jasper was setting up shit with Demetri. I fistbumped him, knowing I looked fucking shady as shit. The high was settling so I slipped a pair of Gucci shades over my eyes.
"I'm not trying to be in your business, bro, but you need to call my sister. She's worried about you. I told her we're working. You owe me for covering your ass. Don't make me regret it," Jaz threatened, weighing a kilo of blow.
Demetri laughed and shuffled ot my side. "What's up with you, motherfucker? If I had a fine ass woman like Bella waiting for me, I'd be home every night."
Both Jaz and I growled. Demetri held up his hands, backing away. I noticed he had a long line of scratches on his neck, and I knew just where he'd gotten them from. My fucking employees were worse than damn children.
"Fuck her with a rubber, D. There's no telling where that pussy has been. Don't bring bedroom shit to work. I need you for this shit, and I need Gina for the campaign. If something goes wrong, one of you has to skate."
When I looked over, Jaz was trying hard not to laugh.
"What the fuck, man?"
"You warning D about Gina. Don't you think that's kind of a double standard? Why is it okay for a guy to stick his dick inside anything?"
I snorted. "It's not the same and you know it."
He shrugged. "To me, it is. Women with sexual pasts shouldn't be treated worse than men with the same pasts. How would you like it if Bella…."
"Don't even go there, Jaz. Bella is mine! I'm the only one. Ever," I snapped, rolling my shoulders.
He looked at me oddly for a minute, and then went back to his weighing. "Could you trust my sister if she had an extensive sexual history? Imagine how you'd feel. It fucking hurts, right? Well, that's how she feels when you don't call or go home. Stop fucking up, Edward. I'm warning you as an uncle, your brother in law, and your friend. I'll help Bella leave your ass if you mistreat her. She and my nephew deserve better."
I crossed the room, getting up into his face. "Remember who you work for, motherfucker. I'll let that shit slide but come at me again, and it won't be so pretty."
He stood up to his full height. "This is just a job. Bella is my family, my life. I promised Charlie I'd always take care of her. If that means I gotta shed blood, then so be it, but I'm not letting you wear her into the ground, asshole."
We were really squaring off when Felix and D stepped in the middle, dragging Jaz away from me.
Felix held me steady as D led Jaz to a corner. "Edward, Jasper is your brother. Save that shit for our enemies. You need to calm down. Go home. We got everything under control, boss."
I was going to argue but the sound of heavy footsteps distracted me. Caius and Paulo entered the basement with another man I didn't recognize. Like an eagle, Cai watched me until I bowed my head and stepped away from Felix.
"We'll make sure he gets home. Keep it steady down here," my godfather commanded, leading me upstairs.
When we got to my office, he went to the bar and poured three glasses of aged Scotch. I took a seat at my desk, Paulo sat across, and Caius continued to stand. I knew my ass was about to be chewed out. Thankfully, some of the high was still in my system.
Paulo eyed me hard as he tilted his head back and swallowed. "I'm not happy with you, Edward. Your Aunt Chara was beside herself. You have wife and son now. They come first. Why haven't you been home?"
Nervously, I reached for my glass. "I've been busy. It's just easier to sleep here or at a hotel sometimes. Bella and I…"
Cai cut me off. "Athena says you haven't been to a therapy session in over a month. You're fucking up, Edward. Marcus and I are worried. Family is your first priority. We can take you out of the Senate race if it's too much. There are others who might…"
I slammed my fist on the desk. "I'm not that scared ass seventeen-year-old boy anymore! I'm a grown man, a Don. I can come and go as I fucking please."
The next few seconds were a blur, but ended with me being pinned against a wall while Caius held me.
"Don't you ever raise your voice to me! Tu sei stupido! I gave you an order. All you do is obey, Capisce?"
I nodded because I was really fucking afraid. Marcus and Caius were my Godfathers, but they wouldn't hesitate to beat my ass or put a bullet in it if I disrespected them. Besides, he was right--I was being stupid.
After he put me back on my feet, we walked out to the Phantom. My men were all around the club doing shit. To the average onlooker, it seemed like we were redecorating. In reality, there was a shitload of drugs, weapons, and illegal passports being moved.
I nodded at a group of five men, recognizing them as Seattle PD. Fucking cops were our biggest supporters. There were always a few guys looking to send their kid to college or take the wife on a nice vacation. Regular cop salaries didn't cover that shit; therefore, the Volturi was never short on manpower.
Caius took the backseat so Paulo rode shotgun. I let him control the music, and we ended up listening to some Zorba the Greek shit. I zoned out, thinking of Bella and how angry she was going to be with my ass.
When we reached a stoplight, I let down my window a little. A Porsche pulled up next to us. The two women in the car looked at me and giggled. I wasn't interested, so I held up my ring finger. It was then that I noticed the Tungsten symbol of me and Bella's forever love was missing.
"Fuck me," I groaned, leaning against the steering wheel.
"What?" Both Cai and Paulo asked at the same time.
I stepped on the gas, leaving the bitches in the dust. "I lost my wedding ring. I never take it off. Bella is going to kill me."
Paulo looked worried. "Did you drop it while we were in Portland? You were out of it, Edward. You know what happened wasn't your fault, right?"
I closed my eyes, not wanting to think of that shit. Portland had been a disaster. Not only did I break one of the Volturi's biggest rules, I fucking cursed myself. The look on that woman's face… How the fuck could I look at Bella and my son after that shit?
"It wasn't your fault. The mother is angry. When she wants the money, it will be there. Her son was playing a big man's game," Cai said, looking at me through the mirror.
I shook my head, barely managing to hold in the bile that threatened to come up. Stupidly, I tried to remember when I'd eaten last, but I came up with a blank. The drugs and alcohol were all the nutrients my body had left.
Paulo nodded. "You were defending your Family, Edward. No one knew the boy was sixteen. That is why children must be kept out of our affairs."
Each time I closed my eyes, I saw that kid lying in a pool of his own blood. He was big, but close up, his face was innocent. The shorn blonde hair and big diamond earring were about the only identifiers left. My fucking SIG had taken the side of his head off.
He didn't even live long enough to grow a decent beard. Then when Marcus sent funds to the mother, she had refused the money. I watched from an armored car as she slammed the door in Jenk's face. All I could think about was if it was someone trying to give Bella money if something happened to Dante.
"I broke the rule. I should have aimed for his fucking knee or something. He's another one...another curse on my black fucking soul. I deserve to rot for my sins."
No one said anything as we pulled into the Penthouse garage. I felt like shit, but at least I looked decent in my slate grey slacks and white button down rolled up at the elbows. I took my sunglasses off and hoped my eyes looked fucking normal.
The smell of delicious food baking assaulted my nose as I entered the apartment. Chara ran over and tucked herself into Paulo's side. He kissed her forehead like always. They'd been madly in love for as long as I could remember.
"You," Chara barked, getting up in my face, "have some nerve…"
Paulo held up his hand. "Take it easy, sunshine. We've already set him straight."
She kissed me on both cheeks, shaking her head sadly. "Bella and DC are in the bedroom. She's feeding him. I made her eat, but she didn't eat much. You're putting her under too much stress. Talk to your wife."
I kissed her cheek and walked to the room. Bree was on the couch watching TV. She waved shyly as I passed. I managed a small smile to let her know I was all right. Then she went back to her program.
"Bella?" I asked, entering the bedroom.
She was sitting up with her back resting on the headboard. The room was dim, but I could clearly see our son suckling her breast. Tonight, he was wearing a green onesie with a little turtle on the front. I bent down and kissed him before taking a seat next to my babydoll.
For a long time, neither of us said anything. DC stopped eating, so I eagerly took him from his mother. It had been almost a week since I'd been home before he went to bed. I'd missed the warmth and softness of his little body.
As he tucked his head into my shoulder and he started to doze, I flipped on the plasma TV. Without a word to me, my babydoll stomped to the bathroom and shut the door. I didn't follow her because there was nothing I could fucking do or say. Our marriage wasn't what it used to be, and I knew I was to blame.
A few minutes later, I walked Dante to his nursery. There was a bunch of new shit and toys piled up everywhere. People in the family loved spoiling him, even though he really only played with the soft blocks.
I kissed his cheeks and squeezed him tight before laying him down on his stomach. Immediately, his little thumb went into his mouth. He looked so fucking peaceful. I spent several minutes just touching him and promising that I'd always keep him safe. The, I made sure he was warm, put on the lullaby, and returned to our bedroom.
My babydoll was at the window, looking out over the city. Her flawless pale skin glowed in the skylight. Of course, my fucking cock chose that moment to become painfully hard. As I adjusted myself, I walked over to join Bella.
"Are you going to leave?" she asked, her voice husky with unshed tears.
I pulled her into my arms. "Never, babydoll! I know I've been…difficult. I'm sorry. It's just a stressful time. I promise I'll make it up to you while we're in Chicago. I want us to enjoy Dante's first Thanksgiving."
She sobbed, coating my shirt in tears. "Why won't you let me inside? I'm your wife, Edward. If something is…"
"No," I growled, releasing her. "It's none of your fucking business!"
She slapped me hard across the face, leaving a trail of heat on my jaw. "I give you kindness and you throw it back in my face! You should be able to tell me anything. What if I was keeping a secret from you?"
A second later, I grabbed her arm and dragged her to the bed. "What secret are you keeping? Are you fucking that asshole publisher? Everyone makes me out to be the bad guy, but how the fuck do I know what you're doing while I'm gone."
I knew it was fucking wrong, but my body craved the fight. Lately, this was all that we did. Always, it ended with us spent and in bed. For me, angry fucking was easier than talking. If I opened up, it wouldn't take long for Bella to wear me down. I didn't want that.
She snorted. "I'm always the cheater in your little fantasies, Edward. Well the reality must be really boring. All I've been doing is taking care of our son and working. When I'm not doing those things, I'm sleeping. Alone! You don't even call me to say 'Goodnight, wife.' You're pathetic!"
"I'm pathetic," I laughed, pushing her gown up. "I bet you're soaking. Don't worry; big daddy is here to fuck your pussy raw. It's all you want me for anyway, right?"
She tried to push me away, but I held her down. I'd never fucked my babydoll while I was high, but as they said, there was a first time for everything.
"Get off of me," she screeched, pushing at my shoulders.
I ripped her tank, taking one of her needy nipples into my mouth and sucking hard. "No. I like you like this," I moaned, biting down on her breast.
"That hurts. Get off me, Edward or you'll be sorry," she threatened, bucking against me.
My cock was at full attention. Ignoring the pleas, I unzipped my pants and lined up at Bella's entrance. Shit was blurry and rainbow colored. My body was covered in sweat as my heart beat a million times a minute. I needed to bust a fucking nut to take the edge off of all the shit that was happening.
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I registered Bella's crying. "Please," she begged, "You have to stop, Edward. I have my period. I don't want this. Please."
Disgusted, I stood up and ran to the bathroom. What the fuck was wrong with me? Had I really just almost raped my wife? The thought made my stomach roil. Down on my knees, I prayed to the porcelain god until I was empty.
Later, Bella pounded on the door. "Are you all right in there? Everyone went home, but I can call someone, or you can let me in. I'm worried about you."
Why did she have to be so fucking sweet? I didn't fucking deserve it after what I'd done. Sluggishly, I opened the door. Then I turned on the shower, keeping my back to Bella the whole time. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her put a few towels on the heating rack.
Pretty soon, the room was filled with steam. I swayed on my legs. Bella caught me, putting one of my arms around her shoulder. I lowered my head in shame. She fucking knew, which was why she was being so gentle.
She helped me sit down and slid off my pants. "Your eyes aren't right. Will you tell me what you took, Edward? I want to help you, but you have to let me in, honey."
I let the tears fall, burrowing into the crease of her neck to hide my face. "Cocaine. It was cocaine. That day you brought me lunch… Gina and I were doing lines. I didn't know she'd locked the door. I'm sorry, babydoll. I'm so sorry."
Like an angel, she helped me bathe and dried me off when it was finished. The pain and anguish in her eyes were almost my undoing. The demon wanted to lash out at her, but I held it inside. Bella didn't deserve to be treated like shit after all she put up with from me.
When we got back to the bedroom, she helped me put on a pair of boxer shorts. I kissed her silk covered navel, whispering apologies the whole time. She'd gotten drenched helping me wash myself, so she had to change into something else. My heart warmed when she chose one of my old college tees. Crawling into bed, she looked incredibly young and innocent.
"Come here," I coaxed, holding out my arm. She snuggled into my chest as I pulled the comforter over us.
"I'm sorry I hurt you, babydoll. Are you feeling okay? Do you need some medicine?"
She shook her head. "It's the last day so the cramps have worn off. I'm fine. I'm more worried about you, Edward. Why did you do it? You could have overdosed. Dante and I would have been all alone."
The last part of my heart iced over. "That's not necessarily a bad thing, angel. Look at me. You and DC deserve much better. I'm too fucking ruined."
She sat up, kissing me fiercely on the lips. "Don't you ever say that! We need you, Edward. You're going through a rough time right now, but I'll help you. I said for better or for worse. This is part of the worse. I love you. Dante loves you. We need you! Don't ever say that again. You can't just say things like that to me," she babbled, holding me tightly.
"Shhh," I soothed, kissing her forehead. "I was talking stupid. I'm not going anywhere, babydoll. Will you tell my Godfathers?"
Sniffling, she rubbed my stubbled jaw. "No, this is between us. Let me help you. I don't want you to get in trouble. Tell me what you need, Edward."
I maneuvered her back to my chest. "At this moment, I just need you. Sleep, my Bella. In our dreams we will be fucking perfect again. When you wake up, I'll be better."
We spent the next day packing for our trip. November in Chicago was much colder than what we were used to. Bella kept talking to me and making sure I was okay. Together we bathed our son and picked out outfits for him to wear.
By the time night rolled around, we were bone tired. Jaz called to let me know everything was fine at the club. He sounded worried, so I wasn't surprised when Ali came upstairs to talk to me. I was short with my answers, not giving her much, but she seemed appeased.
The next morning we went to the airport to board the jet. I hadn't taken a drink or done any drugs. Being around my wife and son healed me somewhat, but the dark places were still inside of me. It took a lot of strength not to hurt my angel. It got to the point that I was scared to lose focus around her.
When we got to the hanger, Bree and Riley were being led out of a car with Russian flags. Riley greeted us and took Bree's bag. She kissed him before running over and taking Dante. His squeals of joy were the most beautiful thing I'd heard all month.
After a lot of arguing, I managed to shoo Bella way. She'd insisted on helping with shit, but I just wanted her on the plane and safe with Dante. Jane practically carried the two of them up the stairs, giving me a wink in the process. She looked stronger.
A few minutes later, Carlisle and my mom arrived. Paulo and Char weren't far behind. The whole fucking family was going on this trip. Marcus had called the day before to check up on me. Aunt Di was fucking happy as shit. She loved a full house.
I was lifting one of DC's diaper bags when I smelled Chanel No. 5. I looked over to see my mom staring worriedly at me. I paused, not wanting to be rude. She looked like she wanted to talk. I'd been ignoring her right along with Bella. In fact, I'd ignored my whole family.
She touched my cheek. "Edward, what's wrong, sweetheart? I feel like you're drifting away from us again. Talk to me."
I shrugged and closed the car door. "I'm fine, mom. I've been going through some personal shit. It's Mafia business. Nothing you need to worry about. Why don't you…"
Her big hazel eyes flashed. "Don't give me that lame excuse! Your father used to say the same thing. Well,
Mafia business destroyed our family. I can't say I don't wish you'd taken another path, but I've always supported your decisions."
Groaning, I handed the bags over to one of my men. "Look, mom, I'm fucking tired and we have a long flight ahead. I'm sorry I didn't call. Bella and I are working it out."
She crossed her arm over her chest and looked away. "No you're not, Edward. Bella is coddling you! Every woman in your life has done it. I'm the worst offender! You're starting to act like your father. You get the sweet young wife and the baby, and then throw it away and go booze, get high, and have sex with bimbos! That was his motto."
Angry, I stood up to my full height. "I'm not like him! I wouldn't do that to Bella. I'm just going through a rough patch right now. She understands."
Mom regarded me sadly. "Does she, or is she just desperate to hang onto the illusion? You owe Bella and Dante more than this, Edward."
As mom walked back to Carlisle, I looked down at my bare ring finger. Luckily, Bella hadn't noticed it, or if she did, she didn't say anything. The missing Tungsten was just one more thing that was wrong with our broken marriage. When she put it on my finger, I said forever, but not two years out and we were crumbling.
Wincing, I pulled out my switchblade and made a shallow cut into my stomach. Compared to the emotional pain, this was easy. Sighing, I wiped the blood away with a silk handkerchief and jogged up the steps.
There was a saying about how you could never go home again. Well, I was fucking returning to the place of my childhood and my father's death. I just hoped that I found something there that could help heal me, or I was going to have to break my promise to Bella.
Affanculo! Fuck it all!
Is everyone mad at me now? Donward is going through some shit. I know you all may be disappointed in Bella, but she's just trying to hold on to what she has. Edward loves them but those dark places had to come out sooner or later. There will be some cuteness, lemons, Dante eating stuffing, Chicago highlights, angry sex, violence, and more in the next chapters. Review to make me update sooner. I'll be under the desk with the Stoli. Click the green button and get Dante kisses, don't and you get naked Gina. It's your choice, ladies. *Huggles*