Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Chapter 27: Demolition Lovers

"All we are, all we are
Is bullets I mean this
All we are, all we are
Is bullets I mean this
As lead rains, will pass on through our phantoms
Forever, forever
Like scarecrows that fuel this flame we're burning
Forever, and ever
Know how much I want to show you you're the only one
Like a bed of roses there's a dozen reasons in this gun
And as we're falling down, and in this pool of blood
And as we're touching hands, and as we're falling down
And in this pool of blood, and as we're falling down
I'll see your eyes, and in this pool of blood
I'll meet your eyes, I mean this forever…"

Demolition Lovers—My Chemical Romance

EPOV

I finished work early so I decided to join Bella at the beach. When I got there, I saw her building a sandcastle with Benjamin. The colorful highlights in her hair sparkled. She was breathtaking in the beaming sun. Both she and Benjamin's backs were to me. I had the element of surprise. I made sure the sunflowers I bought for Bella were fine and headed over.

The closer I got, the more I noticed that something was fucking wrong. Benjamin was a fucking bodyguard. He should have heard me by now. I stopped a few feet from my babydoll, ready to chew Benny's ass out.

"Bella, are you okay?"

When she turned around, I screamed my fucking lungs out. She was….the fucking walking-dead. There was no trace of life in this Bella. Benny was the same. I tried to move, but the ground grew fucking tentacles that held me in place.

Bella walked towards me. She was soaking wet. Her skin was a deathly shade of white and her lips were blue. I had a sudden urge to throw up. She was wearing her wedding dress, but…the baby…the baby bump wasn't there. I tried to look away, but I couldn't.

She pointed to her sunken in stomach. "You did this, Edward! You killed us! I'll never be a mother now! It should have been you that died. Why…why did you murder us? I loved you so much. How could you?"
I tried to go to Bella. Even though she was some kind of corpse, she was all I had left. The tentacles tightened around my ankles.

Benny walked up and wrapped his arm around my babydoll's waist. "It's time," he whispered.

Bella turned away from me. I begged for her to stay, but she started walking towards the fucking water with Benny. I fought against my constraints and screamed until my fucking voice gave out. I just needed her to stay with me. She was my fucking soul.

I watched in horror as Benny stepped into the waves and was taken under. When Bella was at the edge, she looked at me. The sadness in her soulless black eyes killed the last part of my fucking heart. I wouldn't survive life without my angel.

"Edward, we loved you so much. Our blood is on your hands."

She threw something to me. The object landed at my feet. It was the last sonogram that was taken of our baby. When I bent down to pick it up, the picture caught fire and burned to ashes.

"That was your son, Edward. I hope you spend the rest of your life knowing that you killed our baby boy."

My babydoll let out a blood curdling scream before joining Benny in the fucking water.

I bit, fought, kicked, and yelled, but nothing brought Bella back to me. Life no longer had any meaning. I wanted to die, too. I needed to be under the waves with my babydoll.

~~LAMTAF~~

When I opened my eyes, I was in the fucking padded white room again. I didn't know how many days I'd been there, but it seemed like forever. I just wanted to fucking die, but no one would let me.

My fucking life had been an empty black hole since…. There was nothing left on Earth for me. I felt like my blood had been replaced with fucking poisonous venom that was slowly killing my ass.

That day, after I threw my fucking phone through the window, I reached for my SIG. I was about to blow my fucking brains out all over the Church pews, but there were no more fucking bullets. By the time I found some in my pocket, Caius had given the bodyguards orders to take all my weapons and put my ass on a plane to Chicago. I fought like hell, but I was no fucking match for the big ass guards. In the end, they drugged my ass and carried me onto the plane.

When I woke up, I was in my guest room at the Volturi's main house. Caius came to see me. I called him every fucking name in the book. It wasn't his fault, but he was the only there for me to blame, so I lashed out at him.

He took it all in stride. I lost count of how many times he apologized to me. Everyone was so fucking sorry. It didn't do shit to bring my babydoll back--just the word, 'babydoll' made me want to slit my fucking wrists.

The Volturi mansion had been cleaned up and repaired. It didn't even look like a fucking bombing had occurred. It made me angry. Everything was so fucking false. What good did it do to pretend that everything was okay when it wasn't?

During my first few nights, I was watched like a hawk. Everything that could be used a fucking weapon had been taken from the room. They wouldn't even let me have a fucking knife to cut my steak, not that I ate anything. Food turned my fucking stomach and brought back memories of all the dinners I'd shared with my babydoll.

I didn't sleep at all. I spent my days and nights pacing the fucking floor and pulling my goddamn hair. I needed to fucking die so that I could see Bella again. It was pure fucking torture to be in the compound without her.

Most of my family was still in the hospital those first days. I didn't visit anyone because I was in no fucking condition to provide any solace to anyone. I was the fucking reason that they were all suffering. No matter how many times everyone assured me it wasn't my fucking fault, I knew it was. My fucking beef with James had started all of this shit.

After one particularly nasty nightmare, I decided that I was going to kill myself if I had to use my own fucking hands to do it. I remembered that I had a baggie of heroin from when I used to do drugs hidden in the room. The sweepers hadn't managed to find it because it was in the air vent.

Luckily I'd hidden a syringe and lighter with the dope. I kept one of the spoons from my dinner and heated up the fucking heroin. I was ready to die. I took out one of my favorite pictures of my babydoll. In it, she was lying down in the sun and smiling at me. It was taken during one of our beach trips. She looked so fucking happy--that was the way I wanted to remember her.

My hands had been strong and sure as I filled the fucking needle. Shooting up wasn't my usual choice for getting high, but most of the heroin I'd ever bought came with a fresh needle. Contrary to popular belief, high class dealers did their part to stop the spread of HIV. There wouldn't be any fucking product to sell if all the fucking junkies were dead.

I tied one of my navy Gucci ties around my upper arm before injecting the dope. The minute the drugs entered my bloodstream, I felt my first fucking sense of peace. I laid down on the bed and let all my memories of Bella run through my mind.

The images were so real and fucking vivid. It was almost like she was still alive. I took turns heating and injecting, until I felt my body go numb. My heart rate was triple what it was supposed to be. I was imagining me and Bella's wedding night when everything went black.

My suicide didn't work, though. One of the bodyguards had broken down the door when I never answered my hourly check. He did CPR on me. I was rushed to one of the Volturi's private hospitals.

All I remembered was loud beeping noise and being shocked back to life. I fought the doctors and nurses, so they put my ass in restraints. I fucking hated them for making me come back to Hell.

Mom and Carlisle came to see me when the doctors deemed it safe. Esme looked like she'd aged twenty fucking years and Carlisle was in a fucking wheelchair. I hated myself for what I'd done to them. My mom was as innocent of this shit as my babydoll had been. All men like me and my father did was bring fucking destruction.

I'd had a fucking tube down my throat, so I couldn't say anything. Mom kissed my forehead and cried silently as Carlisle tried to give me some encouragement. I just closed my fucking eyes and pretended that they weren't there.

While I was in the hospital, Caius arranged for Em, Rose, and the boys to be brought to the compound. Emmett came to visit my pathetic ass. He read a newspaper and told me how fucking sorry he was about what happened to Bella. I never acknowledged his presence.

Because I was a suicide risk, I received around the clock supervision. I tried bribing people for shit, but my godfathers had thought ahead. No one would provide me anything that could be used to end my fucking life.

I refused to eat a goddamn thing. They put a tube in my arm that pumped nutrients in my body. Nurses came in to bathe me because I wasn't about to do that shit. A few of them spent some extra time on my cock. It didn't' do them a bit of good, though. I hadn't gotten a hard on since I heard about Bella's death. It was only right; she owned my dick. It died with her.

New Years came and went without me giving a shit. Alice and Jasper were released and came to see me. Ali cried the whole fucking time. She had been with my babydoll during her final moments. I had so many fucking questions, but they died on my tongue--knowing the details would only hurt more.

Jasper was catatonic. The doctors had been able to remove the bullet from his shoulder, but he didn't move. He just sat in the ugly hospital chair and stared into space. I envied him, at least his mind was gone to some faraway place.

Alice kept petting him and trying to get him to talk but he never moved. His body was so fucking still. I would have sworn that he was dead if his chest wasn't moving. Every now and again, tears would fall from his eyes. He was a fucking ghost, just like me.

Marcus and Di came to see me after that; they were as fucking banged up as everyone else. My godmother had gauze covering up most of her body. She had been badly burned trying to get Marcus out. They were both in wheelchairs. Marcus would press her morphine drip every time she winced. He couldn't bare to see her in pain.

They both sat with me for a long time. Di cried, like all the women, but neither Marcus nor I said a fucking word. We both knew that shit would never be the same. The Volturi had been compromised. Our hey-day was over. It was a new fucking era in the Mafia world.

Benjamin died mid January. Caius came to tell me the news--Our Organization made sure that he got a proper burial and that his family was taken care of for life. His death was another nail on my fucking coffin.

Liam arranged for Eleazar and Carmen's funeral. The restaurant was left to me to do with it as I pleased. When Jenks came to give me the papers, I fucking snarled and cursed him out. He smiled sadly before exiting the room.

Demetri continued to live on life support. The doctors gave him a fifty-fifty chance of surviving his injuries. I was told that he was a fucking vegetable. The surgeons hadn't been able to remove the bullet from his brain.

Felix came to see me towards the end of January. He was as fucking pale as I'd ever seen him. He talked to me about Dante, which he said was one of Bella's favorite authors. I felt even worse; I had never taken a real interest in her hobbies.

I'd left Felix in Seattle to run the club. Sometimes I thought that if he had of been in the car instead of Jane, he might have been able to save Bella's life, but that was fucking stupid. From what I was told, nothing could have saved my babydoll.

Caius had divers looking for Bella and Jane's bodies so that we could do a proper burial. They didn't hold much hope of finding any remains, because the car had fucking exploded. All that was left of my babydoll and our baby were fucking ashes at the bottom of Lake Michigan. I wished that I was down there with them.

I had nightmares every fucking night. I screamed and thrashed so much that the doctors suggested that I be put in the psychiatric ward. My fucking mind was gone. I saw Bella's corpse everywhere. It taunted me all the fucking time.

I'd tried to scratch my eyes out. My main doctor declared me mentally insane when he walked in and heard me talking to Bella. When a Don went crazy, his Organization couldn't risk him telling secrets, so we had our own private psychiatric hospitals. I was sent to one near our compound outside of Chicago.

I scratched myself bloody the first fucking night. They put me in a straight jacket after that. It had taken ten guys to get restrain me. I wondered why everyone was going through all the bullshit to keep me alive when I deserved to die.

A fucking psychiatrist came to talk to me. I made the fucking bastard cry. There was nothing that he could say to make me feel any better. I had conversations with Bella right in front of his ass. He left when I was telling her how much I missed her and our baby. That was how I got to be here in the fucking padded white room. They let me out of my straight jacket to sleep but kept my body restrained on the fucking bed. I just stared at the fucking ceiling until the nightmares began. They came every fucking night.

When I opened my eyes again, Dr. A was in the room with me. Caius had flown her and her daughter to Chicago as an extra precaution. She was wearing jeans and a blue sweater. I'd never seen her in casual clothes.

"Good morning, Edward. Are you feeling any better today," she asked politely.

I turned away and closed my eyes. Her presence only reminded me of what I'd fucking lost.

"Edward, please, you need to start communicating again. I know you want to get out of this room. I can't help you if you don't help yourself."

I growled. "If you're not here to help me end my fucking life, then leave! That's the only fucking thing anyone can do for me now."

"Edward, think of Bella. She wouldn't want…."

I fought against the bindings, causing the bed to shake. "Don't say her fucking name! Don't you fucking dare! I failed her! I deserve to rot in Hell!"

Several people came in to see what the ruckus was about. One of the nurses injected me with the shit they used to calm my ass down--after that, everything went fuzzy. Bella's corpse stood by the bed looking down at me until the blackness came.

Mom came to visit me on Valentine's Day. She brought a miniature of Bella in her wedding dress. It was in a plastic frame with no glass. They couldn't risk me breaking it and trying to slit my fucking wrists. That night, I cried myself into a stupor. Not even corpse Bella came to visit me. I was really all alone.

Alice and Jasper had long ago called off their wedding. Jasper was in no condition or mood to get married. Plus, there was nothing to celebrate. Our light was gone. A bleak darkness surrounded the whole family. No one fucking smiled anymore.

The next few days went by in a blur. The picture was all I had of my babydoll. I guarded it like a fucking rabid dog. One of the orderlies accidentally knocked it down when he was cleaning my space. I fucking flipped and bit the guy in the leg. That earned me a new straight jacket and another night in the padded white room.

One day, Caius came to tell me that they were having a funeral for Bella. I was going to be allowed out to attend. There wasn't even a fucking body to bury. The Volturi still had men searching the lake, but so far nothing had turned up.

Marcus came to sit with me a lot. He would tell me stories about my father and reminisce about the old days. I fucking tuned him out most of the time, but some things got through. I used to think losing my dad was the worst thing that would ever happen to me, but losing my babydoll was far worse.

The workers at the asylum were worse than the fucking patients. The nurse in charge of my feeding and baths fondled me every fucking chance she got. I didn't know why bitches even tried anymore. I was allergic to every fucking vagina except for Bella's. There would never be another pussy for me.

After one particularly enlightening session, my psychiatrist gave me a treat. I was allowed one of Bella's garments to keep. I requested that it be her garter. She'd packed it in my luggage for me to take on my trip. When it was brought to me, I fucking died again. It still smelled just like her. I slept with it clutched in my hand every night.

On the day of the funeral, Carlisle came to get me ready. Alice had picked out a black Armani suit for me to wear. I showered by myself, letting my tears flow down the fucking drain. How could they ask me to bury my heart and soul? I stayed under the spray until dad came to get me.

He helped me dress in silence. I was weak because of my drastic weight loss. Since I'd been in the fucking hospital, I'd dropped twenty-five pounds.

When I was dressed, I studied myself in the fucking mirror. I had a fucking beard and my eyes were bloodshot. My fucking hair missed Bella's fingers. It had grown long in the back and on the sides. No one bothered to cut it, because I didn't stay still long enough. I let Carlisle brush my hair and groom the fucking beard. I didn't even recognize myself anymore.

Only Mom and Carlisle rode with me in the car. They were silent as we drove to my old childhood Catholic Church. I hadn't been to it in over fifteen years, but I still gave them lots of money every year.

Bella's 'funeral' was actually a remembrance service. The Church was kept dark, but lit with white candles. There was a huge color photo of my babydoll hanging at the front. It was a full body shot of her smiling. I was told that Alice had taken it during one of their days together. Bella's beautiful chocolate eyes taunted me as I took my seat.

Everyone wore black and took turns talking about their favorite Bella memories. Tough-as-shit Rosalie broke down and had to be carried away by Emmett. He gave me a sympathetic nod as he led her and the boys out of the service.

Di talked about her first meeting with my babydoll. She'd loved her from the beginning--that wasn't surprising because Bella had been so easy to love. When Di talked about working with my babydoll in the wine vineyards in Italy, I buried my head in my mom's shoulder and sobbed.

Marcus and Caius went next. They too had fond memories of my angel. They discussed her radiant beauty and loyalty to her Family. Marcus was still in pretty bad shape and walked with a cane.

Felix read Dante's, My Lady Carries Love Within Her Eyes.

Each word was like a fucking stake to my already tortured heart. I dug my nails into my hands as his deep voice penetrated the sanctuary.

"My lady carries love within her eyes;
All that she looks on is made pleasanter;
Upon her path men turn to gaze at her;
He whom she greeteth feels his heart to rise,
And droops his troubled visage, full of sighs,
And of his evil heart is then aware:
Hate loves, and pride becomes a worshiper.
O women, help to praise her in somewise.
Humbleness, and the hope that hopeth well,
By speech of hers into the mind are brought,
And who beholds is blessèd oftenwhiles,
The look she hath when she a little smiles
Cannot be said, nor holden in the thought;
'Tis such a new and gracious miracle."

He choked up in the middle. His girlfriend, who someone later told me was named Chelsea, had to finish for him. There wasn't a dry eye in the fucking Church by the last line. My soul wept tears of shame for taking away everyone's angel.

Both Mom and Carlisle said some beautiful things about Bella. Esme expressed her sadness in losing a daughter. In such a short time, my babydoll had become her child. She collapsed from the stress when speaking of seeing her grandchild's first sonogram. Carlisle had to carry her away.

The only people left were me, Ali, and Jasper. Alice told a funny story of a shopping trip that she'd taken with Bella. She wasn't able to finish, though, and left to join mom and dad. Jasper just sat on the pew across from me and stared above the altar at Bella's picture. Neither one of us took a turn at the podium.

Eventually, the service was over. One of my new bodyguards came to lead me back to the car. Alice managed to drag Jasper away. He and I shared a look of infinite sadness before getting into our respective cars.

I was taken back to the hospital and put into my straight jacket again. Someone came to put the nutrient drip back into my arm. I was so fucking tired of the pretense of living, especially after my babydoll's funeral. I made up my mind that I was going to use all my strength to find a way to commit suicide. I couldn't live with the ache in my chest much longer.

The next week brought about March. I had been in the psyche ward for almost three months. I had my own private room that looked out over the gardens. Marcus got them to plant some moth orchids. Bella would have loved the garden.

I actually spoke to the fucking psychiatrist so he allowed me another treat. This time I asked for the sonogram and the baby's heart beat recording. The first night, I listened to it on repeat until I fell asleep. I put the sonogram into the same frame as my babydoll.

Mid March, an unexpected person came to visit me, Jacob Black. He looked about as haggard as I felt. His long black hair was cropped short and his eyes held no light. Alice told me that he was taking Bella's death hard too, but to see it….

He sat down in my visitor's chair. I had been staring at my picture of Bella. I placed it on the nightstand and sat up. He eyed my surroundings, and then shook his head. I was fucking pissed that he was here in the first place.

"Look, Edward, I know you don't like me, but please, hear me out." I nodded. "I loved Bella, too. Not in the same way that you did, but I still loved her. She was my friend and confident. There was a time when I thought that I was in love with her, but she didn't return my feelings. I know now that she couldn't because he soulmate was out there all along."

I closed my eyes and clenched my fists. "Why the fuck are you here, Jacob?!"

He sighed. "I turned in my badge yesterday."

I shrugged. "Big-fucking-deal, you're no longer a pig. Congratulations."

He stood up and grabbed Bella's picture. I lunged for his ass, knocking him against the wall. Two bodyguards came to pry us off of each other. I was trying to scratch out the motherfucker's eyes.

"That's mine! Don't you fucking touch it! She…she belonged to me!"

Jacob put a hand on my shoulder. His touch was oddly calming. "I wasn't…I didn't mean…to…"

I dismissed the guards. Jacob handed me the picture and sat down next to me. We just stared at it in silence for several minutes.

"She deserves revenge, Edward. That's why I turned in my badge. I want every person that had anything to do with Bella's death to die a miserable death. I don't care if it's illegal or immoral. She was innocent and didn't deserve that."

I bowed my head and cried. "I'm in. I'm tired of being in this fucking hospital. If they won't let me die, at least I can bring death and destruction to the motherfuckers that ruined my life. I only have one rule, and it's the rule of all distinguished Family's. No women and no children."

Jake fist bumped me. "Agreed. When do you want to start?"

I smirked. "As soon as I can get Marcus to let me out of this fucking place. I'll call and tell him to set up a room for you. Where's Leah?"

He smiled. "She's still in Forks. I made sure that she was under constant watch and protection before I came here. She understands and supports my decision, but she's worried. I love her."

I knew the feeling. It was hard for a man to be away from the woman he loved. I'd never understood that until I met my babydoll. I used to think it was all about fucking. Pussy was important too, but there was so much more when you loved the woman. Just sleeping beside Bella had made me happier than I'd ever thought possible.

After Jake left, I got on the phone with Caius and Marcus. I told them about my plans because it would have been fucking stupid to lie. Besides, I needed their help. We argued for hours, hashing out plans and other stuff. In the end, they agreed to get my psychiatrist to release me. The good doctor was getting a private Italian beach house for declaring me mentally competent.

For the first time in forever, I took a bath on my own. I was allowed a plastic razor to shave my beard, but I had to do it supervised. They didn't really have to worry anymore. I had a mission now. I was disgusted with myself for not getting revenge earlier.

By the time Mom and Carlisle came to get me, I was dressed and packed. I would not miss the small ass room that I'd called home for all those months. They let me take my straight jacket home with me. I threw it in the garbage on the way out.

Esme was so happy that I was finally back to 'normal' again. I didn't tell her about my plans, because she didn't need anything else to worry about. I let her hug and kiss me as we rode to the Volturi compound.

Alice jumped in my arms the minute I stepped out of the car. I caught her up in my arms and kissed her cheeks. She looked so fucking happy. She even took time out to tease me for my clothing choices. I'd worn a pair of jeans and a wrinkled t-shirt. Alice was appalled that no one had ironed my fucking clothes.

Di had been undergoing skin graft surgery for her burns. She was almost back to normal, but some parts of her body were discolored. Marcus was even more protective of her than before. He'd made a full recovery and had his bounce back.

The whole family came to see me. Emmett and Rose told me that I looked like shit. It was just like old times, except my heart was missing. Everyone stayed away from the topic of Bella's death. We all knew that if anyone mentioned it, we would break down again.

When I got upstairs, I found out that Jacob had been given a room in my wing of the house. He came to say hello and talk. I started to understand why Bella had liked him. There was something strangely comforting about his disposition.

Jake left a few minutes later and I laid down to take a nap. I was going to need my strength to bring terror to the motherfuckers responsible for my babydoll's murder. All I saw was her when I closed my eyes.

"Edward, wake up," Bella's corpse said as she leaned over me. "There can be no rest for you until you get revenge for me and your son. I would have been six months and 2 weeks today if you hadn't of gotten us killed."

I cried and reached for her skeletal fingers. "I know, babydoll. I'm so fucking sorry. I never did right by you. I never deserved your love. You were too fucking good for me. I miss you and the baby so fucking much. It feels like I died with you."

She pressed her cold blue lips to mine. "Shhh, Edward. I'm sorry I've been so hard on you. I'm just angry. I really wanted to be a mother. I'll never stop loving you. Please, kill the bastards who killed our baby. When you're done, I'll be waiting for you. You belong in the ocean with me."

I cried. "That's all I want. I want to be with you forever. There is no life for me without you. Ti amo, Bella. Sempre."

When I woke up, I was alone. I went into the closet and got my luggage from that day. No one had touched it per my request. Bella's Christmas gifts to me were still inside. I smiled at the colorful reindeer paper that she'd chosen.

The first gift was in a garment box. I opened it to reveal a heavy, black wool Burberry trench coat. I tried it on. It fit me to a fucking tee. It even had a belt that tied at the waist. My babydoll had such good taste. The thought of her picking out a gift for me brought a new pain to my heart, but I pushed it aside. I would be with my angel soon.

The second box was longer. I opened it to reveal a wooden case. When I opened that, I fucking gasped. My babydoll had gotten me a fucking Japanese sword. I collected them, but I didn't remember ever telling her that shit or showing her any of my favorites.

The sword was a fucking beauty. It was a Thaitsuki Roiyaru Sanmai Katana or Samurai sword. The handle was ivory and my name was engraved in Edwardian script. It was one of the best made and most beautiful weapons that I'd ever seen. It also fit perfectly in my palm. I took a few practice swipes in the air. It brought back memories of when I used to fence in high school. I had won several trophies before I gave up swordplay for my SIG. I used to enjoy shooting a gun more, but with Bella's death, I had an extreme urge to slice cool metal across some evil motherfucker's throats.

My babydoll had even included chogi oil so that I could keep the blade clean and polished. The fucking floral inlay reminded me of her. She had known me so well. The sword would never leave my side while I was alive.

The last gift was in a small box with an old fashioned scroll on the top. I opened it to read the last words that my babydoll wrote to me. My fucking tears blocked the writing, so I had to start and stop several times.

Dear Edward,

Merry Christmas! I am your wife, so you're stuck with me for life now. I promise to make it worth your while. What can I say that hasn't already been said? You know how much I love and care for you. Our little family is my whole world. All my dreams and happiness are in you. You make me so proud every day. We fight, but I know that you love me and that there's nothing that can change the way I fell about you. Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night to watch you sleep. It's the only time that you let go of weight on your shoulders. You always look so angelic and peaceful while you sleep. I hope that you dream of me. Even though you must go away physically, you are never far from my heart. I am so in love with you, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. You've made all my dreams come true and more. I hope you like the gifts I picked out for you. The coat is to keep you warm when my arms are not around you. Jasper told me that you collect swords. He and Emmett helped me to pick out yours. I hope that you like it. You are always saying that you're a monster, but I think of you as a hero. You're going on a death mission to protect your Family. That takes lots of heart. I love and hate you for it. All the things that you hate about yourself only make me love you more. You can be a Caveward and an asshat, but you're also loyal and loving. My heart, my soul, my body, my everything belongs to you. I pray each day that I will be enough for you. Our wedding was the happiest moment of my life so far. And the sex, oh my god, the sex. You always consume me, Edward. I know you get jealous, but I never even think of another man. Your hands are the only ones I feel when I touch myself. Please, stay safe and come back to me. I can't live without you. I dreamed of our baby last night. It's a boy. He has your hair and eyes. I already love him more than words can say. Since I won't be with you, I included something of myself. In the box is a lock of my hair on a keychain. I hope you don't mind that I cut it. Alice made sure that it was from the bottom where you couldn't see. Well, I have to end this or I'll write forever. I love you. I love you. I love you, forever. Come back to me. I won't rest until you're back by my side. 

P.S. My wedding day underwear is in the front pocket of your duffel bag. Enjoy!
Love,
Your Babydoll

I sobbed into the paper. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I should have kept you safe."

The baby…the baby…it was a boy. I got my son killed before he took his first breath. I knew from that first day in HADES that I was bad for my babydoll. I just never thought…I never thought my shit would get her killed.

I opened the fucking box and took out the keychain. The hair smelled just like I remembered. I sat on the floor twirling and sniffing that lock of hair for hours. I ended up putting it the keychain on a necklace and hanging it around my neck. I stared at Bella's name tattooed over my heart and her hair on my chest. She was all around me. I smiled.

Reading the letter and smelling Bella's hair woke my cock up. I retrieved her underwear from my duffel bag. I looked at our wedding pictures as I stroked myself to completion. I licked the crotch because it tasted like her. I came hard three times before I put the panties away. Each time, I screamed Bella's name.

Dinner was served to me in my room. Some members of my family came by to chat. Jasper stayed the longest. He still wasn't talking much and there had been whispers that he might need some time in the psychiatric hospital.

When Alice left, he turned to me. "I know what you're planning. I want to help. She was my sister and best friend."

I rubbed my eyes and motioned for him to take a seat. "What about Alice? She'll freak if you leave. I don't need any more blood on my hands."

He stood up and kicked over his chair. "Fuck that! I have just as much right as you to get revenge. I practically raised Bella. Do…do you know how hard it is to know that I'll never see her again. She was the only family that I had left. Now…now there's nothing. I promised Charlie…. There's not even a body for me to bury beside her parents!"

He collapsed onto the floor, sobbing loudly. I knelt down beside him and put my arm around his shoulders.
"I know, Jaz, I know. It's all my fucking fault that she's gone. She loved you so much." I ran my fingers through my hair. "Okay, you're in. Jake and my godfathers are helping too. I'm leaving for Europe in two days. You have to tell Alice and don't hurt her."

He left after promising to be ready by the time we left out. I took off my clothes and changed into a pair of sweat pants. Then, I went to the state of the art gym and started exercising. I was still pretty weak, but my rage would give me all the strength I needed. I pushed my body, working it until I couldn't move.

Jasper and Jake came to join me. We pounded the shit out of several punching bags. The room was filled with the scent of male sweat. When I pictured James' ugly face, I broke my fucking bag.

For the next two days, I fenced, practiced shooting my SIG, and worked out. My whole mind and body were focused on getting revenge for my babydoll. I kept her lock of hair on me at all times.
Marcus got word that it was okay for the rest of my family to return to Seattle. He sent Di to stay with mom and Carlisle until the War blew over. She didn't want to go, but Marcus gave her no choice. Caius made sure Dr. A. and her little girl, Penny, had plenty of bodyguards and put them on the plane too.
Alice had to be drugged, because she refused to leave her Jazzy. He carried her small limp body onto the private plane. Mom and Di cried enough to fill up the Pacific. Dad promised that he would take care of them both. Emmett, Rosalie, and their boys all gave me a hug before boarding the plane.
Once I got word that my Family had landed and were safe in their homes, I arranged for my departure. I was going on a fucking kamikaze mission. I didn't plan on coming back from this shit. That was fine with me.
Since Jane didn't have any family, I arranged for Jessica to get her stuff. I made sure that she had enough money to take care of her for life. She'd taken Jane's death hard. She had loved her more than I thought. Jess agreed to stay on as the lead stripper at HADES.
I had Jenks draw up my will. The club was to go to Jasper. I knew that he'd run it well. There was also money for Demetri, should he live, Felix, and Kate. My babydoll had loved them and considered them our friends. She would have wanted me to take care of them.
Marcus and I were gathering Intel on our enemies when I got a call from Kate. She sounded tired and worried. I could hear Garrett speaking calming words in the background. I rubbed my forehead as I listened.
"Hello, Edward. I'm sorry we missed Bella's….wake, but we were in Alaska with Tanya. Did you get the flowers we sent?"
I smiled, remembering the wreaths of sunflowers. "Yes, thanks for that. Bella loved sunflowers."
Kate whimpered. "I miss her so much…" I gave her a minute to calm down. "I'm just calling to let you know that…Tanya has passed. She suffered an aneurism while giving birth. It's…it's the same thing that killed our mother. The baby is fine and perfectly healthy. It's a girl. Garrett is with me. Can you get Jenks to draw up some adoption and wedding papers? We want to take her home with us."
I cried. Tanya and I didn't get along, but she was still a mother and didn't' deserve to die.
"Yes. I'll get Jenks on a private jet. He'll be there personally to handle everything. He'll pay for the funeral and everything else. I'm sorry for your loss. You and Garrett are going to make wonderful parents. What did you name her?"
I heard Garrett cooing to the baby in the background. A white, hot pain shot through my chest. I would never get to do that for my baby. I couldn't hold back the fucking sobs that escaped from my mouth.
Kate sniffled. "We named her Sasha, after our mother. She's beautiful. She looks just like Tanya, but with bigger eyes."
I smiled. "Sasha. That's very pretty. You do know that she is James' half sister. That puts her life in danger. I already took precautions for her safety. You guys will be heavily guarded. Please stay in Alaska at the compound until it is safe for you to leave."
She promised that she would. Then, I asked her to put Garrett on the phone.
"Hi, Edward. I never thought I'd hear your voice again. I can't believe I'm… I'm a father. Our daughter is beautiful. I don't mean to make you feel bad, but I need to brag to someone."
I wiped the tears from my eyes. "Don't…don't feel bad. I'm glad some good came from all this bullshit. Kiss your baby girl on the cheek for me. Make sure that she and Kate stay safe. My Family is at your disposal. Good luck, Garrett."
He sighed. "You're planning on getting yourself killed, aren't you? I expected it, but I wish you'd reconsider. You've always been a good friend to me, Cullen. Good luck to you too."
I hung up after giving Garrett some information. Then, I poured myself a shot of Stoli in remembrance of Tanya. In the end, we hated each other's fucking guts, but we'd shared a few good times.
When that was done, I went to make sure that Jacob and Jasper were ready. Jasper had cut off his blonde curls. He had a crop similar to Jacob. I was going to shave my hair too, but Bella had loved it so much. I couldn't bring myself to cut it off. I did let Marcus's barber trim it, though.
We boarded my private jet at midnight. There was a full moon out and the air was still slightly chilly. I pulled my trench coat tightly to my body was I took my seat. No words were spoken during the flight. We all knew that our mission was important. There would be no peace for anyone as long as this War raged.
The plane landed in Paris the next day. It was early morning. A fleet of big fucking SUV's was there to meet us. I made sure that my gun was loaded and that my knife was in my scabbard.
Our first stop was a café in the North. I slipped out of the car and gave the men instructions. The café was just a front. The basement was a brothel. Laurent's men and some of his family were inside.
Jasper, Jacob, and I slipped into the café and ordered everyone out. My godfathers had already paid off the police. Most of Europe's cops were as, if not more, corrupt than the ones in America. They got paid even less and didn't even get guns, so they were always willing to do a favor, especially if that favor got some scum off of their streets.
Once again, my group had the element of surprise. The Madame of the brothel was an old friend of Caius'. She had offered a freebie night to lure the French Mobsters to the café. The girls were being brought up the stairs as we were going down. They kept their eyes on the floor as they exited.
The ambush was almost too easy. Most of the fat motherfuckers were sleeping. The Madame didn't allow weapons in her rooms, so they didn't have defenses. I slaughtered one ugly motherfucker, who I knew to be Laurent's cousin, as he tried to pull up his pants.
I went from room to room, slaughtering the men responsible for my babydoll's death. I used my sword to cut throats and castrate motherfuckers who dared to fucking breathe the same air as me. The walls and carpet were coated with blood.
Men screamed and fought, but we were the angels of death. Jasper and I shared a smile as we finished off one of James' personal henchman. I cut his cock off and stuffed it up his ass when I was finished.
After an hour, there were only me and my men left. I had been worried about Jacob, but he handled himself like a motherfucking pro. He was so big that just his size terrified guys enough to give up.
By the time we left the café, the sun had gone down. My head bodyguard called for the cleaners to come dispose of the shitheads below. The whores probably wouldn't be able to work for a week, so I made sure that their wages were covered.
I owned a mansion on the Rue Mouffetard. It was guarded like the fucking Pentagon. We stopped there to eat and change. My clothes were covered with blood. I sent one of my fucking minions out to dry clean my trench coat while I showered.
After that, I ate and thought of Bella. I'd planned to bring her to Paris and stay at this house, but I never got the fucking chance. That thought made me angrier. There was so much that we never got to experience together.
The Volturi made sure that all of James' allies received word of the massacre. Those motherfuckers started going into hiding like a bunch of fucking rats. We exterminated all of them that were left in Paris.
I killed so many men that my vision became tinged with red. I cut off cocks, arms, legs, tongues, and any other part that I could get to. There wasn't enough blood on the fucking Earth to satiate me. I felt like a fucking vampire. If the motherfuckers I was killing weren't so lowly, I would have drunk their fucking blood.
Three days later, we left Paris. I read Dante's, "Inferno" on the plane. It was the book that Felix had given Bella for her birthday. She'd read it a lot and even underlined some key phrases.
One of my favorite lines was, "I come into a region where is nothing that can give light" That was the way I'd felt since embarking on my suicide mission. All my light died with my babydoll. I would be in the dark until I was in the otherworld with her and our son. I just hoped that my soul wasn't cursed to Hell for my deeds.
Our next stop was Barcelona, Spain. There was a Family, the Munoz's, that had provided the bombs that were used to take down the house in Chicago. The head, Carlos, was an old enemy of my father. I planned to torture his ass.
We used their method against them. A bomb was planted outside of the gates and set to go off before we entered. Carlos' daughters were all grown and didn't live at home. He enjoyed fucking whores.
Everything went according to plan. They were having a meeting when we burst through the door. One of his guards shot at me. All my men had on bullet proof vests, but that didn't protect your head, so we needed to be careful.
Jasper aimed and took that motherfucker out for me. I'd requested that my men leave Carlos for me. We went through the house, spilling blood in our wake. I castrated every cocky motherfucker that I could get my fucking hands on. My katana proved to be the perfect weapon for cutting motherfuckers to pieces. Bella had chosen well.
Carlos was hiding in the closet when I found him. He begged me to spare his life as he kissed the crucifix around his neck. I ripped it away from him and kicked him in the head. I ended up cutting off all his fingers and toes before I castrated him. He was already dead by the time I used my SIG to put a hole in his head.
We left Spain a few hours later. Marcus called to tell me that my Family and Liam's had taken down a large part of James' supporters in the States. Our Intel suggested that he was hiding out in a remote part of Russia. No one knew exactly where the motherfucker was, but I was going to find his ass. He would die by my hand. Then, I'd take my own life.
I had supporters and family in Athens, Greece, so we went there next to get some more men. The city was sweltering, but I kept on my trench coat. I planned to be buried in it.
Jasper and Jacob needed a fucking break, so I had them taken to one of my Family's hotels. Caius sent my Phantom for me to use while I was in Greece. I hadn't driven since Bella died.
The car still smelled like her. I remembered the first night that we'd had sex in the backseat. After that, I broke down. I sat in back and cried for an hour. My babydoll's presence was in every fiber of the Phantom. It was as much hers as mine. I tried to pull myself together as I drove through the streets of my father's homeland.
I was pulling up to one of our houses when gunfire began. Since the Phantom was bulletproof, I drove it into the fray. Bullets rained down from every direction. There were so many men that resembled each other. I could barely tell the good guys from the bad.
When I saw one of the men that I knew sold weapons for James, I hopped out of my car and began firing. I killed three motherfuckers before I got to him. When he turned around, I raised my sword and slit his fucking throat. He slid down to the ground in a pool of blood. I stopped to spit on him.
I was cleaning his filth off my katana, when I heard a familiar voice. I looked up to see Felix standing a few yards in front of me. He smiled and took out a motherfucker that was running towards me.
Before I could aim my gun again, I felt a sharp pain go through my chest. I had been shot. I looked down and saw that I was bleeding. It was too fucking soon. I wasn't ready to die yet. I still had to fuck up James. Life never went the way it was supposed to. There were motherfucking surprises at every corner.
As I fell to the ground, I saw my babydoll reflected in my pool of blood. She was smiling happily and holding out her hand for me. I smiled and asked God for forgiveness. If I was going to die, I was going to go to Heaven with my angel.
I looked down at my Tungsten ring from Bella. It was indestructible, just like our love. The last words I whispered before the darkness took my soul were, "I'm coming to join you, babydoll. Meglio tardi che mai."
**Meglio tardi che mai—"Better late than never"

4 comments:

  1. Once again you had me bawling like a baby. I knew Edward would end up slaughtering everyone responsible for Bella's "death". The sword was awesome. The picture in my head of Edward slicing everyone up is greatness.

    Edward can't die because he needs to find his babydoll alive and well and still very pregnant.

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  2. okay you just want to take my heart out and step on it and just kill me... now they both are dead NOT can't be. wow jake turning bad jas over the top drama!!! :O( where is bella you are going to pull her out of your hat aren't you please get james i don't know if i can take much more of this!!!

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  3. *sob* You are killing me... I have no clue what's coming up....

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  4. Ok, who shot Edward, and is Jasper gonna kill the motherfucker who did it? Bella's GOTTA be live.
    Has. To. Be.

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